Trauma Bond?

[StartingHealing]

Hello y'all,

Was wondering on peoples thoughts on trauma bonding and how that ties into a relationship with a BPD?

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[Kaufmann]

I found the idea of trauma bonding to be incredibly helpful for my own healing. Many of us on this site wonder, "Why? Why do I love someone who is so abusive to me?" At first, there doesn't seem to be a clear answer to this question, and the idea of a trauma bond makes sense. Language is empowering, and I think it's just helpful to have a term for this phenomenon of feeling addicted to someone who abuses us. Having this shared language makes us feel less alone, less crazy. But now what to do about it?

[StartingHealing]

Kaufmann,

Exactly.  What to do about it?  I'm digging into learning about it and how to escape? heal? from it. 

Peace

[Kaufmann]

Starting Healing,
 
I read one book that really helped: Out of the Fog by Dana Morningstar. My guess is that you already know what’s best for you and you know that you deserve to be in a relationship in which you’re treated with love and respect. I think it’s important to keep reminding yourself of these basic truths, to be able to identify when you’re getting sucked back in, and to talk yourself out of it (for example, telling yourself, “I’m having these feelings again, I’m feeling like I can’t live without him/her, but I know this will pass…”) It’s like we have these awful beliefs about ourselves on the subconscious level (beliefs that we don’t deserve happiness and love), and so we need to continually remind ourselves what we know to be true (that we deserve happiness and love). I hope you have a group of people there to support you and remind you what you deserve.

[Go3737]

My therapist told me that what I was feeling wasnt the trauma bond but a resurfacing of childhood wounds related to loneliness i experienced when my older brother began going to school. I was left alone a lot. I was 3.
The absence of my wife of 38 years triggered those very deep wounds. I felt pain in my gut. Worst thing I ever felt emotionally. After I spoke with my wife on the phone those feelings went away, for a while. It's been 7 weeks apart and the gut wrenching pain is subsiding as i find something to busy myself with when it comes up.

[StartingHealing]

My therapist told me that what I was feeling wasn't the trauma bond but a resurfacing of childhood wounds related to loneliness i experienced when my older brother began going to school. I was left alone a lot. I was 3.
The absence of my wife of 38 years triggered those very deep wounds. I felt pain in my gut. Worst thing I ever felt emotionally. After I spoke with my wife on the phone those feelings went away, for a while. It's been 7 weeks apart and the gut wrenching pain is subsiding as i find something to busy myself with when it comes up.

Go3737,
I was adopted.  There is lots of stuff around that.  But that situation was a one time thing.   Could the current mess be built on top of that?  Sure, I can see that.  Don't know how it will all work out but I do know that I need to do my work on me for me. 

Thank you for the reply.  It brought a different perspective.