Don't Even Have To Do Anything

[HeWho]

Hi Everyone,

It's been a while since my last post. I've tried to give people encouraging words every now and again.

My wife wBPD has been formally diagnosed with BPD as well as PMDD. Her paranoia and splitting is pretty extreme. Since she accused me of sexual assault, everything was dropped and dismissed from both the civilian as well as military side. I thought this was tremendous since I could now breath. I was wrong...

I've still been living separated from her to protect myself. In the last week, on Monday to be precise, we met up in went out for pizza. I thought maybe this was a good step in the right direction. We seemed to have a great time from my prospective. No fighting or arguing, conversations flowed easily... Tuesday I found out how wrong I was.

On Tuesday she accuses me off being gay or bisexual out of nowhere. She told me how she had dreams and vivid visions of me with other men so that must mean something. She said that I was flirting with some random guy sitting next to us who randomly struck up a conversation. Another instance was when I was talking to a clerk in the Ray Bans shop. This was obviously a shock to me so of course I denied it and got defensive. I realized later I was only feeding into her energy. She also accused me of intentionally trying to trigger her by "faking like I'm going to sleep" in the car ride and "going on my phone because I knew that was a trigger for her." In obvious shock in bewilderment I couldn't even fathom what I was being told. In her head I was the narcissist that tried to trigger her again and was trying to entonado abuse her. She needs to be the victim I've realized.  "You have everyone else fooled" but not her. I just didn't know what to do, I honestly felt tears rolling down my cheeks at this point. Next she says she doesn't want a relationship anymore but will be my "cover up" and we can be friends... I don't even know how to respond to that. After that I used logic and checking the facts to reason with her. She says "quit using logic to poke holes". The conversation pretty much ends there.

It is note worth to mention her birthday was yesterday so I knew this would be a dangerous/ interesting time. I thought all the work she did with her new therapist would help but I'm realizing that was wishful thinking. This coupled with her paranoia/delusional thinking of PMDD is a recipe for disaster because her cycle is starting soon.

Today she meets me at a gym where I do BJJ. No warning or anything and demands I don't mess with her email anymore. Confused and puzzled I ask what she's talking about and she explains that she's hired a private investigator and knows I'm accessing her email (I've never been on her email). I go back and forth denying and she then accuses me of lying and threatens to go to my job and open another investigation. She says I deserve to be in jail and she will make sure I end up there. Obviously I'm upset now, I plead with her to reconsider and she basically shuts that down. She then talks about some HIV test and says she's getting tested and better hope it's false. I tell her I've only been with her and I have a negative test from October last year due to my occupation. And she replies she knows I've been with men so that's why she might be HIV positive.

I left after that afraid this cycle might start again. I literally have been nice to her, understanding, and I think all around compassionate of her mental illness but this is literally affecting my safety and health. What can I do with her threatening me with false accusations again and her paranoia/delusional state in full affect? Should I talk to the police and/or my chain of command and get ahead of this?

[BigOof]

Today she meets me at a gym where I do BJJ. No warning or anything and demands I don't mess with her email anymore.

Get a restraining order.

[ForeverDad]

Sadly, being nice and polite will just incite - or enable - her to make more allegations.

Have you filed for divorce yet?  As part of the filing, ask for all communications with her to go through your lawyer, no exceptions.  And absolutely no private meets.

Any way you look at it, any contact whatsoever puts you at some level of risk.

You do remember the torture she put you through in the last go-round, right?  And already there are more false perceptions ready to send you mentally and emotionally through the wringer once again.

JADE (Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain) won't work, not when she has two claims for every one you try to deny.  Get some distance.

[HeWho]

Sadly, being nice and polite will just incite - or enable - her to make more allegations.

Have you filed for divorce yet?  As part of the filing, ask for all communications with her to go through your lawyer, no exceptions.  And absolutely no private meets.

Any way you look at it, any contact whatsoever puts you at some level of risk.

You do remember the torture she put you through in the last go-round, right?  And already there are more false perceptions ready to send you mentally and emotionally through the wringer once again.

JADE (Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain) won't work, not when she has two claims for every one you try to deny.  Get some distance.

She was fine on Monday though. Idk how things shifted backwards so quickly. This just snuck up on me so I will be contacting one next week.

[ForeverDad]

We all could have predicted something would change, maybe not as soon as the next day, but sooner than later.  It's a predictable, but also somewhat unpredictable, roller coaster.

She is already formulating allegations in her mind.  No way to predict when she will make allegations, but you can bet it will happen sooner than you think.  You need to keep your distance and protect yourself ASAP.  That means you reduce (if not stop) all contact and work with your lawyer to build enforceable legal boundaries ASAP.  Don't put it off.  It's a legal holiday Monday for many so do it Tuesday 8 am whenever the lawyers start work.  Tell them it's urgent.

[Turkish]

HeWho,

She's delusional beyond belief and you need to get ahead of this and alert everyone in your life that you need to.

There's no reasoning with such delusions. Protect yourself.