Bdp son can’t live at home anymore

[Parents! Get help here!]

We’ve been struggling for years. Things are at an all time low with our 24 year old son. My husband can not take any more and wants him to move out.
He is in treatment but seems worse to us. The self harm, compulsive spending, o/ds.
Complete lack of communication and respect.
I know he has trauma from biological father, but I also knOw he has told the phychiatrist a lot of lies alongside. Things that I know have never happened.
I don’t know what to do. I can’t let him destroy my marriage but I feel like I’m giving up if I tell him to leave with no place to go.
Do the council have to house him.
Technically he’s still employed but signed of sick.
Any advice warmly welcome.

[Lovingmum]

We’ve been struggling for years. Things are at an all time low with our 24 year old son. My husband can not take any more and wants him to move out.
He is in treatment but seems worse to us. The self harm, compulsive spending, o/ds.
Complete lack of communication and respect.
I know he has trauma from biological father, but I also knOw he has told the phychiatrist a lot of lies alongside. Things that I know have never happened.
I don’t know what to do. I can’t let him destroy my marriage but I feel like I’m giving up if I tell him to leave with no place to go.
Do the council have to house him.
Technically he’s still employed but signed of sick.
Any advice warmly welcome.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[By Still Water]

I’m so sorry for your situation. I remember the upheaval And disrespect and painful discord our own son‘s BPD had caused in our home. Your marriage does need to be protected. Does he have a friend he could buddy up with, in an apartment? Do you and your husband have a counselor who could guide you in facilitating his relocation? Social services? Your local chapter of NAMI, for resources?

[wannabeamomma]

Like you, I was terrified of doing something that would harm my 26 year old further mentally. Two therapists advised me to set a timeline for him to find a job and get his own place. Doing so wrecked what little connection we had from time to time. It’s my fault he can’t do therapy and I should know it’s because he can’t work and go to therapy too. Much guilt but he uses it to manipulate me. Set your rules and stick with them. Know you will probably lose your relationship but it’s either that or a never ending set of demands and emotional abuse. Save yourself cause you can’t save him.

[wannabeamomma]

I should add that, because I stuck to the rules, my son miraculously managed to start working and moved out. He’s nice only when he needs something. But he’s surviving and my husband and I have our lives back.