Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
March 28, 2024, 12:14:09 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Experts share their discoveries [video]
100
Caretaking - What is it all about?
Margalis Fjelstad, PhD
Blame - why we do it?
Brené Brown, PhD
Family dynamics matter.
Alan Fruzzetti, PhD
A perspective on BPD
Ivan Spielberg, PhD
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: My Children are Struggling  (Read 725 times)
brokenmama

Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: married
Posts: 8


« on: July 22, 2022, 09:17:47 AM »

I have a son and probably a daughter too who are struggling with BPD.  I am looking for other parents who are coping with supporting their children.  It is so difficult.  My son has suicide ideation and has for quite some time.  I feel like every day I'm fighting to save his life!  The thing is, I am triggered when he talks about being tired and wanting to end his life.  I have already lost a child to PTSD after military service...either that or a gun accident.  We're new to coping with BPD.  He was in therapy but wants to give up on it after a few weeks because they aren't getting to the core of the problem.  I've read that's common. I've encouraged him to continue but to find someone else who WILL help and to get on meds.  How do I know when I should commit him myself?  How do I know when he's actually going to carry out his plan?  Is it OK to give him an ultimatum?  How are you all coping with this?  I have recently started therapy again myself because it has gotten to be overwhelming.  I am struggling in my own life as well. I look forward to hearing your stories and advice.
Logged
Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders
Sancho
Ambassador
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 706


« Reply #1 on: July 25, 2022, 05:34:06 PM »

Hi brokenmama
Your post brought tears to my eyes. I was so relieved when I got to your statement 'I have recently started therapy again myself'. I was glad to hear that there was someone to support you and the heavy load that you carry each day.

Sitting thinking about what you have written I ended up with some questions such as what kind of therapy is your son having at the moment? I suppose I ask because I am surprised that - with suicidal thoughts happening - he has not been trialled on medication - that is, if he is having therapy with a psychiatrist.

BPD is a complex illness but I think there are medications that are used to address symptoms.

If he is saying the therapy is not working AND he is having therapy with someone who is not able to prescribe medication (for example a counsellor, or psychologist) perhaps the best step at the moment would be to find a psychiatrist that he would be prepared to see?

I am clutching at straws, but the situation seems really serious. Is your GP involved in any way at all? You are living in a state of high alert and I hope your own GP is aware of what is happening. It's a bit like the instructions you get when flying - attach your own mask first . . . .

In relation to your questions about committing and giving an ultimatum. I think both these things have a place, but when and how to use these is very individual.

If I was going to use ultimatum, I would have things lined up first. If he is not already seeing a psychiatrist my first step would be a GP appointment. I would make the appointment, then give the ultimatum about attending.

Ultimatums often fall down in my opinion when there is too much time between giving it and getting the agreement, and the opportunity to follow through.

If you are able to post again with some more details that would be good.

The question you ask that most touches me is 'How do I know when he is actually going to carry out his plan?' I think it is a question so many people would  like the answer to. I have heard that some people appear a lot better just before the event - and people say that this is because they have made up their minds and feel relieved by the decision.

But I don't think this applies to everyone. I cannot see how anyone can predict or prevent the choices of another unless the other person allows them to have this role. I think we do our best - and our best is the a sign of the love that we have for our child, so that through the darkness they endure, I think there is a knowledge that they are loved.

Sending thoughts . . . . .

Logged
brokenmama

Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: married
Posts: 8


« Reply #2 on: July 27, 2022, 08:18:39 AM »

Sancho,

Thank you so much for your reply!  I have confronted my son with what I know his suicide plan is.  I have told him I can not let him carry it out and that if he doesn't take certain steps, I will begin the process of putting him in the hospital.  He has been there before and he has so much to lose if he goes back in!  He is currently working and is being looked at for a management program which would mean a promotion.  He's a higher functioning BPD...he can navigate the rigors of employment but finds it difficult.

He has been in therapy but as of a week ago, terminated that because she wasn't helping.  When I checked her profile, she didn't have experience with BPD so that kind of makes sense.  Their office had a PA who could prescribe meds but he was no longer there.  So, I found a resource that had that experience and my son is going to pursue meds with the goal of coping with intense emotions.  These are the subjects of the ultimatums.  I KNOW he will feel better once he's on meds and can work with someone who actually understands BPD.  One of the therapists uses DBT as well and I'm reading that is very effective with BPD.

I need to add that he is also in transition in housing.  He was buying a house with a girlfriend who is also jacked up emotionally and they imploded. He's living in a hotel room right now and his car is dying.  Ugh!  Max drama and max trauma. I'm in the process of trying to find him an apartment as soon as possible and will loan him my car if it comes to that.

I love my son very much.  He's been through so much.  We have all been through so much together.  I want healing for him so badly.

Wendy
Logged
TiredMom88

Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: Divorced
Posts: 4


« Reply #3 on: August 04, 2022, 10:53:47 AM »

In a book I was reading about raising BPD children, it said that the only appropriate response when someone with BPD threatens suicide or self-harm is 911/the emergency room. Yes, we know this may be an over-reaction when they repeatedly make threats. But this is the way to teach them that if they are going to make threats, we are going to take them seriously. And they will learn that they can't throw around threats of self-harm willy-nilly, or they will end up institutionalized.
Logged
Sancho
Ambassador
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 706


« Reply #4 on: August 04, 2022, 06:38:43 PM »

Hi Brokenmama
I think you have done so well! There is a lot going on for your son at the moment so it is understandable that he is spiralling.

You have made a way forward possible.
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!