It's time to find some people like me

[Vincent56]

I'm a parent of an adult BPD child. I haven't spoken to her or seen her in 3 1/2 years.  Multiple times a day I was getting the details of her current issues and as I was absorbing her problems and making them mine, I finally lost it.  I had to get help.  I had therapy twice a week for a year.  I took all the DBT classes to learn it all for myself.  I learned mindfulness and meditation.  I did it all and I won myself back.  When I finally was ready to try to reconnect, she was not.  It was hard and I dealt with it.  She was having contact with my husband, which I didn't ask about to keep myself on the right path. It eventually has ended up she has no contact with either of us unless she needs something or a bad issue comes up, like divorce, death of her dog, death of her cat, one dog killed the other and had to be put down, another cat died, and finally she's lost her home.   Yes, there're lots of pets, I know. The loss of her home happened after 6 months of quiet.  I literally lost it.  I cried for hours.  My husband can't handle me being upset for fear of me losing it again.  He's the most supportive man in the world, but sometimes I need to cry.  He's a very factual unemotional person unless it comes to me. He deals with her in black and white.  I never have.  I've always tried to fix everything to the point I couldn't take it anymore.  Of the 15 nieces and nephews in our family, every single one of them is successful, content and very family oriented.  I feel so guilty and alone.  It's like everything that is bad is happening to her.  It's just killing me.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Mary Jean]

Hello
I am so sorry for your struggles. This is such a difficult position for a parent.  I am estranged from my oldest daughter for 3 years. She has falsely accused my husband and me of not being good parents. I can’t believe the person she has become.
I have neither seen nor talked to her since 2019. I have been separated from our 2 grandchildren as well.
We have joined NAMI in hoping of finding some support and
understanding.  We have worked with several therapists to no benefit. I have pretty much given up. I am grieving the nice family life we used to have.  I wonder if our family will ever be together in one place again.

[By Still Water]

Vincent56 and Mary Jean, I relate. Our son has estranged from us, over a year ago. In his eyes, we are terrible parents although - just before - he had said we gave him a good childhood. The fast switches with BPD are so baffling. How does your child relate to siblings? One - thankfully - has not been cut off. Another has asked him to correspond via email (his bro with BPD is across the world) because the bro with BPD typically sent phone texts of self-centered rants with arrogance. He has not heard back for months. It helps to focus on my students, strong marriage, hobbies, and others who receive our love.