Bamboozled

[Southernstar13]

Hi! This is my first post and I’m hoping for some advice and camaraderie with other people dealing with similar issues.  I have a 29-year-old daughter who has been diagnosed with Schizo affective disorder and borderline personality disorder. She also has a persistent delusion of a guardian angel who speaks to her.  Since about the age of 14, she has really been more and more manipulative and dishonest.  In 2013, she gave birth to a child and stayed with me for the majority of the first 9 weeks of his life.  I was able to see first hand that she was unable to care for his basic needs in a reliable manner.  In early June of the same year, she was moved into a nice apartment and spent her first Sunday alone with the baby.  Monday evening she called to tell me she was high on prescription pills and marijuana.  I went and picked up the baby.  She went off the rails and I had little to no contact with her until about two years ago when she began calling me from jail.  I formally adopted the baby in 2014 after she failed to make any contact, visitation or support for over a year. 

Anyway, she was recently released from jail and I’ve been helping her with money and items but haven’t seen her face to face.  The other night she accidentally sent me multiple texts she meant to send to her human rights attorney making all sorts of false allegations.  Seems she’s mad my son has consequences for behavior.  She made a plethora of hateful statements and I found videos she’s publicly  posted making similar false statements.

I’m heartbroken by how totally 2 faced she is and how easy it is for her to do.  I’ve done everything for her over the years; furniture, rides, a shoulder, supplies, visits to hospitals, money in jail.  Bent over backwards and now feel so betrayed.  She has a history of violence and gravitates towards violent individuals so I’ve decided to cut off all contact. I live a few hours away and she hasn’t even been to my house. 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[kells76]

Hi Southernstar, glad you found us!

Schizoaffective disorder plus BPD sounds overwhelming for her and those around her, like you. When did she get diagnosed? Has she been accepting of either or both of her diagnoses? I'm not knowledgeable about SchAD, so does medication help that, and if so, does she take Rx (or, in the past, did she)?

That's really good for your grandchild that you were able to adopt. Kids need stability and you can provide that.

She has a history of violence and gravitates towards violent individuals so I’ve decided to cut off all contact.

That sounds wise to remove yourself and your grandchild from her path.  Does he know "what is up" with his mom, at some level?

She just sounds like a not safe person to be around at this time in her life. I wonder if you feel the grief along with the betrayal, that she doesn't seem to want help and isn't getting better.

I hope you have a lot of support for you and kiddo as you go through this. Are either of you in counseling?

Keep us posted on how things are going, whenever works for you.

kells76