Which type of evidence should I be gathering of vague abuse?

[Protectourfamily]

I have been advised to document everything in case of escalation of my husband's hostility/separation/divorce.
However, when dealing with BPD, while some abuse is overt, so much of the abuse is vague and ambiguous (nasty comments, name-calling, rages, manipulation, threats). How do I document these things in a way that would be considered reliable and helpful in the future?

[BigOof]

Video and audio recordings are the best.

[LifewithEase]

I hear ya, it is hard to capture the body language and facial expressions.

You might want to have a daily journal and jot items down (including dates) to show a consistent pattern.

For years, I had shared with close friends, family and therapists about incidences, days, weeks of off the rails treatment (dysregulation/silent treatment/threats/ultimatums/intense anger)... I observed that it occurred every 6 to 8 weeks, sometimes every 3 to 5 weeks. In the last couple years, it is more of a weekly occurrence of various intensity and duration.

No one really believed me even though my journal told a different story.

It allowed me to see the crazy making did have patterns. Not till later when I started to deal with it in therapy, reading Walking on Eggshells, and now this board did I realize how typical my situation is with a BPD.

[Turkish]

Journal it, stick to facts. Initial or sign each dated entry. If needed, it's admissible in court.

In addition to such similar advice here, I received the same advice from two professionals in real life.

[ForeverDad]

I journaled also.  Never seemed to help until some 8 years later.  Every visit to family court had the magistrate and other professionals studiously ignoring all the obstructions I faced.  However this magistrate granted us 2 full days in court with testimony,  Son's Guardian ad Litem and some officials from school testified.  I did too.  For the first time I was able to play some games ex had played on me at exchange time.  One series was with a summertime holiday (no school involved).  I had early time off work before the holiday and so I called asking to pick son up from her workplace a couple hours early.  She refused.  So I went home and then proceeded to the exchange location.  She never showed and when I called she insisted I pick him up from her place at her work.  I called police who convinced her to come and got the police report.

In court I was allowed to peruse my journals (refresh my memory) to quote the day and place.  (My lawyer had assured me they were private and could not be browsed by her lawyer.)  The decision was that I was disparaged many times and my seeking majority time was granted, but only during the school year.  (How frustrating that school got more credibility than me the father even though I experienced ex's obstructions year-round.)

It is wise to have at least some of your conflict be recorded so that you can document a sufficient amount of the poor behaviors so your testimony overall is perceived as credible.

Funny thing about those two days... My ex repeatedly stated, "That is my voice but I don't remember it."  She was unable to Deny it.

[Sluggo]

For me the recordings were most helpful for the custody evaluation that I had done that I could share with the custody evaluator, and for me post divorce to listen to hear how bad it really was. Sometimes the memory can gloss over what actually was happening, but re-listening to the put downs, screaming, raging, circular thinking, etc etc etc was very beneficial.

Sluggo