It sounds like a moment of self-awareness for sure.
Is it empathy? Maybe a little. Self-awareness is one component of empathy.
Is it shame? Maybe a little. Self-awareness is often a precursor to shame or the "shame lite".
Self-awareness is good.
Sums it up well. Thank you. I can say it was a rare moment of self-awareness, but can't say more beyond that. I think she has more self-awareness than she admits to. But, it never, ever happens in the moment. And it never, ever changes current behavior. In most cases, those "self aware" moments are later forgotten about. The self-awareness is only in reflection.
Of note, she didn't nor has she ever said anything nice about this guy. But she has mentioned him before and mentioned the habits he had that she did not like. When she does have a moment like this about an ex, her thoughts tend to conclude at "I really had no business being in a relationship with him." I have never heard her say, "He was a nice guy, but I ______ and hurt him."
Stuff like this makes me wonder more about what really happened in some of the bad incidents she mentioned from her past. Not to say bad stuff did not happen to her, but recognizing that her catastrophizing paints a poor picture of what really happened.