Bpd adult son

[Jones123]

I have a son who was diagnosed years ago with BPD.   I have realized now for several years, his father also had it.   We went through a horrible divorce when my son was 12.   The games and control his father played on me and the kids are to numerous to mention.  It was very very bad.  His father passed away a few years later of natural causes.  During that time is when my son started acting out.   He only got worse as he got older even though he had been in counseling (one hospitalization) since he was 12.   He never graduated high school.  Has hated me for everything.   He is now 25 and worse than ever.   His siblings have now cut off almost all communication from him.   Which is also my fault because “they are my favorite and I always take their side”.  I’m almost to the point of cutting all ties with him.  He had his sister so scared of him (he was threatening to kill her through text messages) she was about to get the police involved.   I dread when he calls me because I never know what his mood will be.   If he is mad about something.  He doesn’t stop so I tell him I am no longer answering his calls etc…..he will call me hundreds of times and send hundreds of text message threatening me in some way.  I understand the fear of abandonment he has,  but when do you have to let go for your own sanity.   I just feel hopeless with his situation.  I’m at my wits end and it sucks!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Swimmy55]

Hi thanks for writing in and including this forum in your network of help.
It appears he does not live with you.  So this is one good thing.

It feels like you do not have control, but you actually do have control over you and how you protect yourself. You have choices.  Think of boundaries you would like to put in place and consequences if he does not comply.  The consequences have to be something you are comfortable with enforcing.  For example,  If he is threatening you in voicemails/ texts, you can put in a boundary of telling him if he continues, you will go to the police. 
You can even tell him you will seek a restraining order if he continues( and then do it ). 
You have every right to not be harassed.  I know as a mother there is a lot of guilt, love , sorrow mixed in, but him harassing you helps no one. I actually had to obtain help from a therapist to help me come up with boundaries for my adult son , so that is another option.