My possibly BPD daughter has uncovered memories of incest

[MomInMn]

  My 26-year-old daughter has multiple mental health issues that she classifies as the result of childhood trauma but not BPD. I'm not so concerned with the label, but I know that the skills I learned from Family Connections (NEABPD training) have helped better relate with my daughter. In any case, I've always considered the abuse she suffered from was emotional abuse caused by her dad (my ex). She has begun having flashbacks and other forms of remembering that her dad sexually abused her, possibly for years. I've only begun to process this news, and one barrier I'm dealing with is my group therapy group, including the therapist who runs the group, who all have rushed to conclude that my daughter is making this all up. I find this shocking--what ever happened to believing victims when they reach out for help?  I had a long conversation with my daughter today as she has begun to tell me more information about what she's remembered and how it has impacted her. I can't believe she could make up this much detail and evidence that I never paid attention to.

My question here is, does anyone have experience with a loved one with BPD making up elaborate stories of abuse? Am I being naive? I so want to move on to helping my daughter heal from this horrific discovery.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Aralia]

Hi I cannot imagine what you are going through. It must be completely shocking. It strikes me that your daughter should enlist the help of a skilled and experienced therapist to help her sort through her feelings and memories.  Family members do occasionally report their pw BPD fabricate stories of sexual abuse, which might explain why your group is skeptical. But it seems to me that you can be both supportive and prudent. Good luck to you.

[SaltyDawg]

MomInMn,

   I agree completely with Aralia, she should get a skilled and experienced therapist!  Do this no matter the cost.

   From what I have read and observed on a support group for borderlines by borderlines on Facebook [I cannot provide the link as it is against BPDFamily policy and I have been previously moderated on it], if she is a pure BPD [no NPD], those kinds of borderlines wear their emotions on their sleeve, and do not have an emotional filter on the stuff that they say and will not generally make stuff up like this - however, please be aware that they can and do distort their 'truth' to what they perceive which has some nugget of truth in it no matter how distorted it may be.

   From what I have observed on this other group, and this is informally a unanimous opinion that they experienced some kind of sexual abuse as a minor is that they are hypersexual/hyposexual [all or nothing] with their romantic partner(s) - if this is present with your daughter [another difficult discussion to have with her, please be mindful, and not press her on this -- while it is your place to comfort her, and be supportive of her, it is not your place to be her therapist], this is pretty much a 'tell' that your Daughter has more likely than not been sexually abused at some point in her life; however, the reasoning these borderlines give on why they are this way is widely varied on why they do this, which includes, but is not limited to, fear of abandonment issues to a form of self-harm and to fill the feeling of emptiness among other less frequently listed reasons.  So the accusation that she is 'making this up' is not valid and should be pursued by a qualified therapist.  She should seek qualified help, with your assistance, to attend to this as she is also likely suffering from C-PTSD as well.