Life is looking up

[HopefulMom47]

I wanted to share this to let others know that things really can turn around for the better. Two years ago, I felt completely hopeless. My child was depressed, angry, verbally abusive and suicidal.

My fiancé and I were going to couples counseling. He was upset that I didn't set boundaries with my child and felt that they were manipulating me (my kiddo is nonbinary with they/them pronouns). The counselor suggested a Dialectical Behavioral Therapy program for my child. It turned out to be a godsend!

I called the therapist our couples counselor recommended. I thought that even if my child didn't want to go through the program, at least I could have a few sessions to learn how to set boundaries and what to do when they threatened suicide. One of my biggest fears is that my child would attempt suicide. Several people in my family have committed or attempted suicide, so I don't take that threat lightly.

The therapist said they might have been trying to manipulate me. But even if they weren’t, there was nothing I could really do about it if they were determined to commit suicide. The best thing I could do was call 911.

My fiancé took it upon himself to try to understand more about Borderline Personality Disorder and found this support group. I think it gave him more compassion toward my child and also helped him understand the helplessness I felt.

The next time my child had a meltdown and screamed at me, I used the script the therapist gave me. I calmly said, “I’m not willing to be spoken to that way. I’m going into another room, and we can discuss this later after you’ve calmed down.”

They kept following me and wouldn’t let me go into another room, so I said, “I’m going to leave the house for a while.” They threatened suicide if I left, and I said, “If you really feel that way, I’ll call 911 to get help.” My child opened up the cabinet, grabbed a bottle of Advil and dumped the entire thing into their mouth. I calmly (shaking and terrified inside but trying to give a calm appearance) picked up my cell phone and said, “Okay, I’ll call 911, and they can take you to the hospital and pump your stomach. And after that, you’ll probably spend a month or so in a mental hospital.” They immediately let the pills fall out of their mouth onto the floor. It was the scariest moment in my life, but they haven’t threatened suicide since.

My child was at a point where they really wanted to make a change and hated feeling the way they did. They said they wanted to try the program. For six months, they had one-on-one therapy for an hour a week, an hour a week of group therapy and homework each week. They were also doing meditation and journaling on their own.

They worked hard in the program, and it has made all the difference in the world. It has been two years now and they are doing great. For the first time in years, they seem happy. They have a job and moved out of the house and are now living a few hours away.

It’s not always sunshine and rainbows, though. They still have anxiety and depression at times. But I feel like I have my child back. We text and FaceTime frequently and have in-person visits once or twice a month.

A few months ago, they asked if they could talk to the counselor again, and they did a few sessions to help get them back on track.

I hope my story helps someone out there. Please don’t ever give up on your child. Things really can turn around!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[SaltyDawg]

 

Thank you for sharing your success story.   

 

Hearing such a story brings hope to others such as myself who are dealing with their own pwBPD.

[Sandrine]

Thank you for sharing your story. I am new to the group and to DBT for parents etc. It's good to know if our children can follow through with therapy, mindfullness  and journaling life can look pretty good. Appreciate the encouragement!

[Sumathunda]

Thank you!

[user4110]

Thank you SOO MUCH for sharing this. It gave me hope for my daughter and a more peaceful life for our family.

[Aurora]

Thank you so very much. Exactly what I needed to hear today! There is genuine hope!

[Turkish]

Wow, what a great and hopeful story! Confronting SI must have been scary, but you remained calm and asserted a boundary against manipulation, or maybe more accurately, tossed the ball into their court to own the behavior. Thanks for sharing here.