I can't do this

[Sumathunda]

My son is 18. Undiagnosed. Refuses to participate in any therapy. All began or came to light with a suicide attempt in August. Been a nightmare since. He is also type 1 diabetic. I need a hospital! I don't want to be around him anymore. I AM ANGRY! i know it isn't helpful. I know he is sick. I am tired. This is lonesome. Nobody is in his corner but me. Not because they don't care, because they don't get it.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Sancho]

Hi Sumathunda
In a few sentences you have expressed so much of the experience of having a bpd child.

I can especially relate to the experience of carrying this heavy load on your own. Until I found this site I was completely at a loss with what was happening in my life and what I was dealing with. My friends 'helped' by reminding me of the usual behaviour management strategies, but what was happening was much more complex.

Coming here was a huge relief! There are other people in the world going through exactly the same as I am!

Every person's situation and child is unique of course, but I found by reading through the posts I learnt so much from what others were experiencing and the advice they gave. It took a while for me to appreciate the advice of 'taking care of yourself'.

You are at the point now because you have given all your energy/time/emotional support to your son - the tank is empty. Because we love our children, it is so difficult to separate enough to have our own lives, but we can do this if we start in small ways I think.

Is there a way you can claim some time each day, some time each week that is just for you - when you don't think about your son, your mind is on something that nourishes you?

I found this difficult at first and my life is quite confined with dd and gd living with me. But I have an inside project and an outside project - they are very small projects and each week I decide three things that I am going to do eg inside I am renovating a small bedroom. Last week was clean and sand window and door frame, undercoat and topcoat. Next week I tackle the walls.

When I am overwhelmed with my situation - which is every day - I look at the room, and I can see it is looking different!

The journey with a bpd child is a marathon and the challenge is to be able to appreciate your own life along the way is the most important thing in my opinion.

Thank you for posting and thoughts with you.

[Tornfamily]

It’s very difficult when you are trying to deal with everything alone.  I am not sure if there is a Nami organization near you but I went to classes for families with mental health issues and it helped a lot.  The book “walking on eggshells” is also helpful.  I also went to a therapist because I couldn’t cope. She helped me see a lot of things. One being that I needed to take care of myself, to set boundaries and much more.  Unfortunately she moved her practice.  I still struggle and wonder how much more I can take.  I hope things get better for you and that you can get some support.

[Lady_Winterfell]

I really felt your pain, anguish, and powerlessness. I can absolutely relate. I'm so sorry you are feeling so uncomfortable and unhappy in your own home. I truly truly understand. The book that's been suggested to you, Stop Walking on Eggshells, has been an amazing help to me. At least in shedding light on what's happening in my daughter's mind. I'm still reading and have more to learn.

I'm glad you're here. It's been such a relief to know I'm not alone. I hope this place can provide that to you as well.