my exbpdw affair partner may be a narcissist - we have a 3 year old son

[engiebpd]

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=354759.0

Coming from this thread on my situation.  Briefly, I am in a middle of a divorce with my exwife who is on bipolar meds.   But I believe she is more borderline than bipolar based on my experience with her.   Bipolar is just the suspicions and the diagnoses that she was given by our marriage counselor and our psychiatrist (we share the same psychiatrist), my marriage counselor had to call our psychiatrist to warn her about my wife's behavior the last couple months and thus, tpsychi prescribe her bipolar meds because she was going through mania.  They will continue monitor her as of now but BPD has been mentioned to me as a possibility or a combination of both.

Anyhow, my situation is still ongoing and I am living out the rest of the least with the ex wife.  It appears, I may be her favorite person as she shares alot of personal information with me including who she is dating and I am getting split often. 

The affair partner loved bomb her to death with promises of buying a house and showing off a lot of $ which eventually led her to break it off with me a couple months ago (i knew she was in an affair with him before the breakoff)

Anyhow, i don't want to repeat too much of what happened in my original thread but felt like some context may be needed.  Now that our divorce is processing, this guy has been on and off with her a few times.  She rationalizes that he is "so busy", which is why he rarely sees her but calls her up middle of the night.  She was annoyed and they fought and broke off but now he is back in the picture again.  Looks like he's just stringing her.

Based on his manipulation tactics, I suspect this guy may be a narcissist (im no dr) but his methods are pretty devious and he obviously lacks empathy given he destroyed our family and then found ways to distance my ex wife after the fact.

I'm concerned for my son as I should be getting 50/50 with exwife.  And this affair partner is back with her again but still distance because "so busy" but is love bombing her again about buying a big house...cant wait to get his new car and take her for a ride this coming summer when he's "less busy".  A lot of future promises he makes and she continues to fall for it.

Anyway, I am detached and dont care but I am listening to her stories in protection of my son.  I've been watching youtube videos and reading about BPD + narcissistic relationships and it is SCARING me.  In the event my ex wife does move in with this guy and then has my boy 50% of the time, what should i be worried about? 

Do you guys have any knowledge/background regarding this type of couple and what I may have to deal with in terms of co-parenting my boy with that kind of toxic relationship?   I am literally hoping my wife gets so occupied in that relationship that she will leave my boy with me most of the time or altogether, but that's too hopeful.  Thanks in adv for any replies! 

[EZEarache]

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=354759.0
Do you guys have any knowledge/background regarding this type of couple and what I may have to deal with in terms of co-parenting my boy with that kind of toxic relationship?   I am literally hoping my wife gets so occupied in that relationship that she will leave my boy with me most of the time or altogether, but that's too hopeful.  Thanks in adv for any replies! 

I haven't observed a BPD in a relationship with an NPD. However, my BPDex-seems to allude to me being an NPD,  . My therapist thinks otherwise, fortunately.

However, I did work for an HPD who was clearly in a marriage with an NPD. The HPD employer was completely nuts and impossible to work for. Her NPD husband, tried to pick up my mother right in front of his HPD wife.  My mother was is in her late 60s, at the time, and at the same table with her husband, my father.

This HPD/NPD couple would cheat on each other all the time. My HPD boss would come into the office in tears, because the guy she just had a fling with dumped her. It was the weirdest work environment you can possibly imagine, and I ended up walking out of the job without giving two weeks notice.

The HPD/NPD dysfunctional family had a college age son while I worked for the HPD. The family dynamics were intense to say the least. For example, my colleague went to their house after work one evening. The dysregulated couple's son walked out of his bedroom and threw a wooden spoon across the house at the wall, when his mother asked him for something. The son was later in a DWI accident/arrest shortly after I left, "the company." I was at the house and the NPD husband was running around screaming about not wanting a certain paint color. No No No. The same as my 2.75 year old. In fact, my 2.75 is slightly more rational when he doesn't get his way at this point. It was a really unpleasant environment.

Anyway, I think you have a right to be concerned. Document, Document, Document. Ask your attorney the best approach. If you see the child is in danger don't be afraid to go for full custody.

[ForeverDad]

I concluded my ex-MIL and her husband (my ex's now deceased stepfather) were BP/NP.  He was the abuser and primary aggressor.

I eventually concluded here that he was an abuser uNPD but her mother was a supportive uBPD.  But despite that they were together, and married most of that time, for over 20 years.  Think of a yin-yang relationship where they fed on each other.

Soon after we were engaged I had an invitation to bring a guest with me to a special annual religious gathering with limited guests invited.  I was so excited.  But I was stunned when meeting her family.  Her stepfather was silent while her mother was the one who denied my plans that it wasn't proper for us to travel "alone" on public transport.  Even when I was able to arrange for the couple to drive us - who married us a few months later - the mother insisted I was going against their control of the decision to state No.

A rare positive opportunity for us but her family slammed that door in our faces.  The reasoning was that it was no more important than typical weekly religious events.  I could understand that perception, but there was a flip side, they ignored the reverse perspective which was that we shouldn't turn down this important religious gathering as though it was nothing.