Changes at the office

[livednlearned]

Wondering if I'm starting to feel too comfortable in my misery.

When you don't have a high-conflict, abusive, violent, jealous, paranoid spouse you are left to pay close attention to yourself, warts and all.

I found it quite painful to not be consumed by someone else's drama.

It is embarrassing to admit that.

I think it's part of codependency.

[15years]

It's the little things too... Thinking "I really look forward to making dinner tonight" makes me think, "Wait, I'm feeling excited, maybe it's not too bad to go on."

Or if she seems happy and almost normal, for example when we cooperate in matters concerning the children, I might think "This could be a decent family life... Maybe I can tolerate the disorder.

But then again, when she gets dysfunctional, which happens about every other day, I KNOW that I can't tolerate it. And I'm feeling more exhausted every month.

[Cat Familiar]

Wishful thinking can keep us in intolerable situations. Facing reality is painful.

[livednlearned]

15years, your relationship is violent so I'm not sure it's the same as the "ambivalent relationship" the author discusses here (Adam Grant, a prominent organizational psychologist in the US), but he sort of gets at the challenges when you are treated badly then well by a pathologic personality: https://www.nytimes.com/2023/05/28/opinion/frenemies-relationships-health.html