Need Advice Because I am Over It.

[Gemma92]

Hi all, I am new to this site so, I'll try my best to navigate my way. I posted this on another board but I believe this board fits better. This post will be very long so it is up to you to read it or not. Anyway, he's 25(m) and I am 21(f). We met at my school where I worked as a work-study. Things went downhill when I found out that he found out where I worked by using my Instagram stories to see my exact location and would come to my job every day. In all truthfulness, at first, I found it flattering that he went out of his way to do that then I told myself that if I don't check him on his recent behavior, this will only escalate, I was right. A couple of months went by and I didn't see him at my work-study job anymore due to him graduating. I then ended up seeing him in the school hallways randomly one day but it was to get his diploma. At the time, I still had the mindset that what he did
(using my Instagram to come to find out where I worked) was adorbs especially because I asked an older co-worker of mine who told me she would've been flattered if someone did that for her, of course, I agreed because many would at first too! Anyway, I went out to double-check if it was him and it was. I didn't want to be seen so I tried to quietly make my way back to my work-study job due to his back being turned only for him to come out of the office at the exact time I tried to go back to work. It caught me off-guard completely. With people I tend to like, I get very shy. What caught me off-guard the most was him speaking to me first due to him never speaking to me first at my work-study job and acting super awkward when I waved "bye" to him the last day I knew I'd be seeing him. He said "Hey." and then my anxiety got real bad so I just froze and did not say anything to him. He was with the school guard and the guard thought I said "Hey" so he said it to me and I said it back with my voice shaking extremely bad. The 25(m) then said something to the guard but his voice was shaking bad as well after I didn't say "Hey" to him. After that, everything went downhill. The next day, I requested to add him as a friend, but he never accepted it so I deleted my request. A couple of weeks later I thought it was the smartest idea to send him a message saying "Hey (his name) do you remember me from (our school name) it's (Gemma92!") He never replied. I felt so silly so I deleted the message and blocked him because I felt like games were being played. That is when he started amplifying his toxic behavior towards me. I started getting multiple views on my Instagram stories with fake accounts he was using. It went on for a couple of weeks until I had enough and so I unblocked to let him know that he needs to respect my boundaries and if he has something to say, we need to speak about the issue or I'll carry on with my life. I gave him some time to reply, nothing. I then sent him an article about how to stop being a covert narcissist. It wasn't nice but at the time, it felt nice to do. A couple of months went by and he continued his behavior but it became more extreme. He came to my house without me telling him where I lived so he can put some mail in my mailbox, it was a voting pamphlet. He then would watch my Instagram stories and show up where I mentioned I was
(he did this once). I then messaged him again letting him know that if he does not stop with his actions, I will have to call the police and inform his boss. When people hear that I included his boss, they think it was out of ill intent, the truth was, my mindset at the time was because I was close with my boss and listened to her, he must be too so he'll listen to his boss. I later found out that he quit his job because of me. The cops were called but didn't do much but gave him a warning about his behavior which he continued on the very same day. I then blocked him again to show him that he cannot cross my boundaries anymore. He used an old friend of mine pictures to make a fake Instagram, account just to get under my skin. I would see some comments where'd he'd say with the fake accounts "I don't understand how women act nice to you then leave you to give love to someone else." For some reason, he drilled in his head that I "rejected" him for another man. He's gotten a little better like not driving by my house anymore, not showing up where I do, etc. I recently unblocked him on the accounts he was respecting my boundaries
(Snapchat, etc, time: 3 months of no fake accounts.) When I tried to add him as a friend on Snapchat to discuss any miscommunications that might have gone on
(this was after 2 months of no contact from my end) he ignored the request per usual. He still views my stories twice a day at most with fake accounts but it is a tad bit better than the 10+ he used to do daily. I tried to reach out to his family to see if they can help him with his mental health, but no response from both. It just makes no sense why he rather communicate with me through fake accounts than speak to me with his real one. I just don't know what to do, I tried everything and I'm tired.

[ForeverDad]

Sadly, he likely will not listen to reason.  We have a phrase here, any involvement will one way or another enable negative involvement.

On the other hand, you quickly avoided it getting worse.  Many here let it go on and on and it became an even bigger problem.

So what to do now?  You tried to be kind and thoughtful, reaching out in ways to be the person you are.  If you're dealing with BPD (an acting-out disorder where the person is harmful to others' lives) then most here have found that all contact must End.  Sorry, we'd like Nice Closure (we are Nice Guys and Nice Gals by nature) but practical advice is to instead Gift Yourself the closure you seek, Move On and be sure you don't allow more lurking or stalking.  It's not harsh, it's typically what's necessary.

[Gemma92]

Hi ForeverDad, thank you so much for your advice. I tried everything but moving on sounds like the best option.

[livednlearned]

Are you trying to have a friendship with him?

Or?

Apologies if I'm not following correctly.

I guess I'm confused about adding him as a friend after sending him an article about being a covert narcissist, making you uncomfortable with the voting pamphlet, drive-bys, not showing up where you happen to be, etc.

Also, did you come to know his family? Bit confused on whether this was a relationship or friendship or ...?

[Gemma92]

Hi livednlearned, no need to apologize. <3 The situation with sending him an article about covert narcissism and the incident with the drive by and him showing up where I was all happened close to a year ago. I did not speak to him for a while and the only time I did was to tell him to respect my boundaries etc. After no contact for 2 months
(just recently) from me,
(not messaging him about respecting my boundaries etc) I decided I was ready to reach out to him while I was less frustrated about the whole situation and with him. I thought it was a great idea due to him watching my accounts with fake accounts but more than anything, I wanted to have a discussion to clear any confusion that might’ve happened in the past because I believed the whole situation was getting handled in an immature manner. When I did, he never opened the message which caused me to get frustrated again and block him on everything. We’ve never been in a relationship nor ever been friends but at the same time, you never know what the future may hold. I guess you can say the whole thing started as both of us liking one another but being to shy to tell each-other our feelings. With his family, I reached out to his sister on social media but this was my last resort of getting “help” from someone and didn’t happen until after a year of knowing him. It wasn’t to be “creepy” or “weird” but it was to seek help for him due to me putting 2/2 together realizing there’s some mental health issues going on. Hope that makes a little more sense now. <3