Struggling

[Parents! Get help here!]

My 15yr old was diagnosed with bpd after being admitted to inpatient care several months ago. She is currently in an outpatient program. We constantly feel like we take one step forward and then two back. We have built boundaries with her yet she constantly break them with little remorse. She has suicidal ideations, self harms, steals, lies, hides cell phones from us and is a chronic runaway and does everything to push our boundaries. It’s like having a toddler on steroids. We try to work with her and employ DBT techniques but I feel like we are getting nowhere. We have five other children that are seeing this behavior on a daily basis; watching her runaway affects us all negatively. Has anyone dealt with this type of issues and or have any advice or resources? We are at our wits end and feel like we are out of our league. Any help is appreciated.

[Leland Grey]

My 15yr old was diagnosed with bpd after being admitted to inpatient care several months ago. She is currently in an outpatient program. We constantly feel like we take one step forward and then two back. We have built boundaries with her yet she constantly break them with little remorse. She has suicidal ideations, self harms, steals, lies, hides cell phones from us and is a chronic runaway and does everything to push our boundaries. It’s like having a toddler on steroids. We try to work with her and employ DBT techniques but I feel like we are getting nowhere. We have five other children that are seeing this behavior on a daily basis; watching her runaway affects us all negatively. Has anyone dealt with this type of issues and or have any advice or resources? We are at our wits end and feel like we are out of our league. Any help is appreciated.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Sancho]

Hi Leyland Grey. Gosh with 5 other children and dealing with all this - it is truly a load to carry.

I can relate to the awful stress associated with running away. My dd was a runaway at that age and now her daughter is starting to show similar traits.

Have you noticed any pattern in relation to the running away? It was all so new to me all those years ago - I can't describe how anxious I felt not knowing where dd was some nights.

We are waiting for gd to be assessed for ADHD - which I think she has always been, but now that she is less controlled, the signs and symptoms are more pronounced. The interesting thing is that I can see dd also had these signs and symptoms all her life too.

There is no doubt my dd suffers from BPD - the signs and symptoms are very clear and she was diagnosed formally at about age 20. But I can't help thinking that she should have been assessed for ADHD much earlier and - if the assessment showed she suffered from this, treatment for the ADHD may have lessened the impact of her BPD.

Sometimes I think the signs and symptoms of these neurological conditions overlap to such a degree that the impact is much worse. If one condition can be treated, it could well help lessen the impact of the other.

I wonder if you could discuss the possibility of ADHD comorbidity with BPD with someone? If you could access somehow the Connors Assessment tool for ADHD it could give you an idea as to whether your dd has this condition too.

Is your dd currently on any medication? If so, do you think they are helping. My dd was put on an antidepressant and it certainly raised the bar in relation to when she would get angry etc. She was much more even, but it was easy to see the BPD elements quite clearly still.

Dealing with BPD is enough - more than enough - to deal with. Trying to nurture 5 other children at the same time is such a huge challenge. My heart goes out to you.