Adult child, who I think had BPD

[NoIdeaWhtsNxt]

I think my adult daughter has BPD. She moved home after she graduated grad school in December. She sleeps all day and wakes up after dinner. It's exhausting and is taking its toll on our family and my marriage. She won't get help and threatens self-harm with anything we suggest.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Sancho]

Hi NoIdeaWhtsNext
The screen name you have chosen is very appropriate. You and the family must be at the end of your tether!

Has dd only started threatening self harm since coming home and have you noticed signs of BPD for some time or just since coming home? Also what happens once she wakes: is she up all night disturbing the house; on her phone to friends all night; does she eat; sorry for all the questions.

Your dd has been able to function well to have finished grad school. Sometimes it is the time of transition that brings on a crisis and support only comes once the crisis has arrived. It is also the case I think that if you try to enforce a crisis, or force support in some way you can risk alienating a bpd person.

My situation is a little similar - no situation is the same of course - in that dd in bed all day and now gd is not coping at school - anger issues etc - and is up all night and in bed all day - she is 13.

I have a couple of things in the pipeline - waiting for ADHD assessment for gd - but it is so stressful living in a house where people are in bed all day, and it is impossible for you to do anything about it.

Your dd appears to be under an awful lot of internal pressure and she feels overloaded if you make any suggestion at all - even just a small one I imagine. One thing I've learnt to do is to take my mind OFF dd deliberately. In my case dd picks up on my anxiety for her and adds to her pressure. It is a hard thing to do, but it has been helpful.

In my case I only have to deal with this in my way - you have others in the house that makes things much more complicated.