Hi everyone, I’m new to this site, and new to the BPD world. I’d love some insight from those who have experience in this matter.
In February, my daughter in law told my adult son that she wanted a divorce, and this emotional trauma caused him to have a psychotic episode in which he was threatening suicide. (I’m not blaming her here, their relationship was in trouble for a while). She/We had to call the mental health unit and he was sent to the psych ward for the weekend and then he went to rehab for alcoholism and drug abuse.
As a side note, he was the stay-at home parent to their 2 kids and has not worked outside of the home for 7 years.
During rehab, he started ghosting my husband and myself. He just stopped calling us and didn’t let us know he was discharged or where he was. After he was discharged from rehab, he ended up going back to his estranged wife (he apparently was living in the back garage). He was still ghosting us until about 4 weeks ago when out of the blue, I received a text, asking if he could stay at our house. Apparently his estranged wife had called the police again after an argument , and they’d recommended he leave.
We told him he could stay for a couple of days, while he found a job and got himself on his feet. It was during this past month that he told us he was diagnosed both in the psych ward and rehab as having BPD. This diagnosis checks a lot of the boxes of his behavior the last 7-9 years.
He has since moved most of his very meager belongings into our house, and even though I’ve asked a couple of times what his ‘next steps’ are, he seems quite happy to stay here indefinitely. He has said he’s not willing to go to a sober living facility. I know he’s terrified of living alone.
He’s earning minimum wage and so renting a small apartment on his own doesn’t seem financially viable unless my husband and I pick up some of the tab. We’re not quite sure how to broach the subject of him leaving without causing a downward emotional spiral. He doesn’t have close friends, and we’re the only people he sees apart from his colleagues at work. I personally have only seen him in a rage once, his default seems to be terrible sadness versus the extreme rages I know other people experience with their pwbpd. He does often exhibit moodiness and anger at others when things don’t go his way or he feels slighted. We’ve suggested therapy many times but get the run around from him. It seems as though he doesn’t want to get help.
This may seem selfish, but my husband and I were enjoying our empty nest and don’t really want an adult tenant living with us indefinitely.
Has anyone navigated a scenario like this and how did it turn out?
Thanks for your insight
