Suicidal thoughts

[Member887]

Hello Everyone~my daughter with Bpd has had suicidal thoughts every other month or so for the past 15 years. She has been in therapy & has had hospital stays etc & we have tried so long & hard to try to help her. It has been so emotionally exhausting. She once again is having these thoughts & now has a boyfriend who is suicidal & self harming. I would never want anything to happen to her I love her so much but I am starting to feel numb. What is the best way to react & help her through these moments?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[kells76]

Hi again Member 887 --

Wow, 15 years of coping with her suicidal thoughts is a lot. You must be beyond tired    It's okay to want to "just" be her parent, not her therapist or interventionist or EMT or whatever. There are paths forward to step out of the role of rescuer, though it may take facing some fears about losing her or about how much control we really have over someone else's choices.

How does she communicate that she has suicidal thoughts -- text? phone? email? other?

As far as you know, are you the only person she tells? Or do you think she tells other people (family members, friends, social media posts...)?

And in the past, how would you approach it when she tells you she's feeling suicidal?

Fill us in, whenever works best for you --

kells76

[Sammy Jo]

I am so sorry you have been dealing with this for so long. It is a very tricky path for us as parents. What if we don't take them seriously and they kill themselves? Or are they just crying wolf for attention? Unfortunately, I think at some level, none of us are willing to take the chance.

We too are experiencing the same thing. I think at some level, most BPD individuals experience suicidal ideation. My DD tells me all the time she wishes she had never been born and then she would be at peace. She also has said that if she kills herself it will be our fault. That is heartbreaking. The only peace I have found is that a few months ago I finally told her that it would break my heart if she killed herself, but that I would not feel guilt about it, knowing that I had done everything in my power to help her throughout her whole life.

I'm not sure if that will help you, but at least for your peace of mind, maybe it will. I also believe that many times, the talk of suicide is also a manipulation tactic. We have taken it most seriously when others have been around her and called us to tell us they were worried about our DD.

I wish you well on this journey and hope that your child can find peace, and you too.