I think ? He has BPD but is undiagnosed. This repeating and upsetting behavior ( extreme jealousy, mistrust, accusations, insults) leading to berating me, interrogating and investigating me, refusing to believe direct evidence contrary to the ‘film’ he made in his head about my other boyfriends ( there are none) , gaslighting me… had happened again but this time feels different .. worse and I think he wants to blame me for ‘forcing him to have to move on’ to a new life without me.
Thank you! I’m an adult child of an alcoholic father, oldest child and watched my mom never leave my abusive father.
Accusations and insults, berating you, interrogating, and refusing to believe direct evidence to the contrary to the film he made up in his head of you. Then blaming you for 'forcing him to move on'.
Oh my gosh. I know that I, and probably many others on here, can relate. I experienced all the above. I know I was often shocked at the sudden explosions of anger, and even more at the stories she had made up her head about me, my intentions, my heart. I even once told her, early on in the relationship, that she seemed to have stories about me that weren't true and I wondered why she did that. I said those words TO her.
Like you, she blamed ME for her "now having to grieve what we had", after 1.5 years of calling me names, berating me, insulting me, belittling me, ditching me, ghosting me...etc. After she left for the holidays without responding to calls and texts for a week, slipped out of town with no communication at all, leaving me alone for Christmas I'd had enough. Then she sent the email saying she now had to grieve what we had.
I just share that because it's so similar to what you experienced, and much much more..as I'm sure you can relate. When I first came to the board my mind was spinning and I was very much in the FOG: fear, obligation, guilt. I was afraid of losing her, felt obligated to her to make her feel loved, guilty that I had somehow let her down and made her feel bad.
Kells and others here were so welcoming and kind, and read through my very long posts (I was so hurt and confused, as are many that come here). I had then a need to know if it's really BPD, or NPD or...what? WHAT is this? WHY does she behave this way when all I want to do is love her and be there for her?
What became clear to me is that the actual diagnosis was not important, although her behavior does follow BPD pretty closely (and she had told me she was diagnosed with cPTSD, which is very similar, and maybe the same thing). Her behavior was the important thing. And her behavior, her treatment of me, was very much abusive and disrespectful.
You mention you are from and alcoholic family, and your father was abusive. This very likely has set you up to be confused in a relationship like this, codependent like many of us here. I too had abuse as a child, and alcoholic issues in my family of origin. I know that I was predisposed to blame myself when other's treat me badly. Perhaps this is an issue for you.
I hope you find lots of support here and can learn, so many helpful people here who will validate your experiences.
