She has completely destroyed my self worth and esteem

[sam_the_wise]

Just want to hear experiences of what they do when they finally go. After the last episode where I lost my s#$t completely and started thinking maybe I myself am pwBPD, she has decided to leave or at least saying it. Her brother too thinks I am a looser who hurt his sister. Whoever thinks empathizes, listens to my side or even thinks for a min that I have side is patriarchal, backward moron. They all talk to me like I am some low life. I am reduced to a shallow, fake, insecure shell of a man.

Is that how it ends when they leave if they leave?

[ForeverDad]

Regardless whether she, you or both of you have mental illnesses or relationship weaknesses, it must be clear to you that being together makes life even worse.  Actually, distance apart reduces the discord and conflict.  Take advantage of being apart, for both of you.

If you're apart and the relationship has ended, just Move On with your life.  Don't worry about her or her family, it won't matter if you've truly ended the relationship.

Start over if you must.  Make a clean break from the past.  And it would be exceedingly wise for you to take a look at yourself, "Whatever the issues of the past, how can I examine myself, improve myself and my life so I don't repeat the past?  Can I start counseling so I can identify aspects of me that need improvement?  Can I use this as a learning experience so I Move Forward rather than get stuck in, or return to, the past?"

[sam_the_wise]

She is talking like a ghost now, that she wants to renounce all desires of life and wants to leave US and just go back to India and be with her family. She expected me to love her enough to withstand her criticism, questioning, collar holding, and not run away. But I lost my sh&t so bad so many times that it has pushed her to renounce everything. I feel like a murderer. Why would I even try to improve a pathetic person like me. Why should a person who drove someone so unassuming so mad and hopeless?

[sam_the_wise]

She is talking like a ghost now, that she wants to renounce all desires of life and wants to leave US and just go back to India and be with her family. She expected me to love her enough to withstand her criticism, questioning, collar holding, and not run away. But I lost my sh&t so bad so many times that it has pushed her to renounce everything. I feel like a murderer. Why would I even try to improve a pathetic person like me. Why should a person who drove someone so unassuming so mad and hopeless get to move on and have any happiness? She cursed me that I will find no happiness for what I did to her. I think she is right. I don’t deserve to be loved or have any peace.

[ForeverDad]

What you are feeling is definitely not normal.  You are both adults.  Adults make choices.  Choices sometimes don't turn out as hoped or expected.  Time to "circle the wagons" (an old western cowboy term meaning to get into a protective position) and find yourself a therapist so you can figure out how to move forward in your life.  Right now you're kicking yourself when you're down, "spinning your wheels and going nowhere fast".

Please. Therapy. Now. Not next week... this week! If need be, today!