hello

[6 String]

Hi I am new to this discussion board. My son (who I share with my ex, whom I am on very good terms with) has BPD and was diagnosed about 26 months ago. He has up to now refused therapy and we are trying to carefully trying get him to start. He also has refused to avoid being in relationships and has just experienced the failure of his third. His path can be described has a continuous decent into the disorder with ups and downs of course, but the general trajectory is down and he is definitely at his worse point so far. He is soon to be 32 years old and the focus for me is now more on coping strategies and facing the prospect that he may never seek help. Self harm has now been a disturbing bi product of his condition. He uses pot regularly every day after work and throughout the evening and it is not helping. I am having problems coping, sleeping through the night and focusing on the positive. I am in a relationship with the most wonderful person I have ever met and she is so understanding and helpful and patient with all of the throes I go through regularly.  But I need to find a way to cope...

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Leaf56]

Hi. I think radical acceptance is the best way to cope. My son is 27 and hasn't worked in 2 years and smokes weed daily too. I think you also should accept the fact that even if he "gets help" it may not/probably won't actually help. The best thing you can do is live your life and try to compartmentalize well enough to put it out of your mind. This is what I do. It's better in my mind now. Not great, just better. I'm aware and accepting of the fact that I will just have to live with this grief for the rest of my life. People have lived with much worse.

[wendydarling]

I agree with Leaf practice radical acceptance.  

What I learnt on the forum is our situations are unique and it helps to understand others situations we learn from and provides us context and enlightment.

My DD was diagnosed at 26, 2015, she hit rock bottom, was very ill. She was desperate and I said there is help out there. It was her only option and she took it, grabbed on with determination to live. DBT, refreshers and then therapy that included trauma and continued use of DBT skills. Four years. DD beat her eating disorder, alcohol addiction, self harm...it is a journey for sure and takes patience and resiliance   .

I asked DD back in 2016 why she did not seek help ealier such as 18. Answer - the thought of talking to a therapist -I was not ready. Living the life of young adults, as they do.

Working on the communication tools is very important, some which feel unintutive and take practice... Many members sign up to FamilyConnections https://www.borderlinepersonalitydisorder.org/family-connections/

I hope this helps and gives you hope.

Is your son living independently, he is holding a job down.

WDx