Hello,
I need some advice on what to do next if my child with BPD is starting to get physically abusive.
Thanks in advance,
MayDayBaby
Hello and welcome May!
It would help if you shared some additional details, but I'll tell you up front that abuse (in any form) is not okay. You respond to physical abuse by calling the police and having your BPD child held responsible...just like you would with anyone else.
Again, context matters here and that probably sounds like terrifying advice. But mentally ill kids don't go to jail for hitting their parents and peers, they go to an in-house mental facility to work on anger management and handling their emotions. So whenever your child "is a threat to themselves or others", you dial 9-1-1.
Now, fair warning- the first time you do this, expect to receive rage for "betraying your child." Things will temporarily get worse if you allow it to, because nobody enjoys having a new boundary implemented. Your message is clear though- violence is not acceptable. If you choose to physically harm someone, then you'll have to face the consequences of those actions.
Why is this happening now? Because you're doing the opposite of that and enabling bad behavior to create chaos in your home. When your child acts out and you don't correct it, they're learning that acting out gets them whatever they want. So they act out more and continue to escalate things when the previous attempt didn't work for them. It's a learned behavior and you must break that cycle.
Hopefully you realize that you're not equipped to deal with this yourself. Use your state resources to teach right from wrong. It's unfortunate and it feels wrong, but I started calling the police on my BPD daughter when she was around 12. It somewhat kept her in line for periods of time, and long-term it actually paid off quite a bit. At 25 she's somewhat stable most of the time and the worst of her behaviors are behind her. At worst she'll yell at me and pout for a week or so, but then she circles back to try to make up.
I hope that helps- stop walking on eggshells!
