No Contact

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

It's been about 2 weeks now of no contact. She's reached out but I've not responder and have avoided reading most of the texts/emails. I have been focusing on myself which has been refreshing - reading, TV, exercise, guitar. It's been really nice having alone time.

Another side of my mind kind of trips me up a bit and questions whether ending things was the right choice. I do miss communicating w/ her but I feel more at peace/calm on my own. I also keep questioning whether or not these were relationship problems I couldn't handle. I've been minimizing her alcohol/drug use. She drinks an average of 1.5 to 2 bottles of wine per day and smokes week multiple times per day. I had sort of a fantasy in my mind of what things were and reality was just not in line w/ it I guess.

Any how, so far, so good. This was my plan for this winter and I followed through with it. Any advice for the days I'm second guessing?

[Goodpal]

It's been about 2 weeks now of no contact. She's reached out but I've not responder and have avoided reading most of the texts/emails. I have been focusing on myself which has been refreshing - reading, TV, exercise, guitar. It's been really nice having alone time.

Another side of my mind kind of trips me up a bit and questions whether ending things was the right choice. I do miss communicating w/ her but I feel more at peace/calm on my own. I also keep questioning whether or not these were relationship problems I couldn't handle. I've been minimizing her alcohol/drug use. She drinks an average of 1.5 to 2 bottles of wine per day and smokes week multiple times per day. I had sort of a fantasy in my mind of what things were and reality was just not in line w/ it I guess.

Any how, so far, so good. This was my plan for this winter and I followed through with it. Any advice for the days I'm second guessing?

[Pook075]

Any advice for the days I'm second guessing?

Sure, don't second guess yourself. 

If you want to reach out, then reach out.  If you want to stay away, then stay away.  If you want to consider reconciling but don't want to be around the alcohol/pot use any more, then say that.  You get to make the rules for you.

[Goodpal]

Thank you for the reply. Makes sense to not second guess my feelings. Today is a rough day. I miss the contact but I know the distance and space is healthier for both of us. I'm not going to give in to the aches this time. I need to ride this out.

[Pook075]

Thank you for the reply. Makes sense to not second guess my feelings. Today is a rough day. I miss the contact but I know the distance and space is healthier for both of us. I'm not going to give in to the aches this time. I need to ride this out.

The main thing to keep in mind here is that she's dealing with mental illness...but that's not an excuse to never compromise.  That's why you have to come first and focus on your own healing to start.  Those blurry lines will become much clearer, which boundaries really matter.

Alcohol and drug addiction are serious problems on their own.  Combined with mental illness, that's a lot to blindly accept in a relationship.  So again, don't second guess your moral character.