Devestated

[Framed]

My daughter who experienced alot of dysfunctional relationship attachment with her Mother and grew up with me has isolated herself from me and the people who love her. I went to therapy for a year and tried dealing with the absolute trauma of her splitting from me. Unfortunately a narcissist who was double her age managed to trigger her into fully blown BPD. As the only person who was always there for her and loved her unconditionally it broke me. Sitting in front her and her accusing me of things and making up stories was just too much for me to bear so I dealt with it in the wrong way and that guilt is what I am now living with. I try to reach out to her but she  doesnt really respond with any emotion or understanding. I am constantly anxious about her and have terrible dreams but after doing alot of research have realized that I cannot protect her or reason with her. She is now 18 and I am hoping at some point the narcissist will drop his mask but am so concerned that it will be just another traumatic event that hurts her. I am after 2 years still struggling to deal with it all and just cannot understand how someone you have loved, sacrificed many things for, given everything to can just walk away and feel nothing. I guess I have to learn that I cannot change her and I cannot help her. She is the only one that can help herself. 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[livednlearned]

That's really tough, to put so much unconditional love into your child only to lose contact (not to mention the worry of the relationship with someone much older). I would be beside myself too.

Is your daughter in contact with her mother? I know it can be tough when your child's parent has a PD (this is true for me as well).

You mention you dealt with things the wrong way. Do you feel ok sharing what happened? Doing things we regret, especially dealing with type of extreme behaviors many of us experience here, is definitely not uncommon.

Did you find any relief with therapy?