baby steps?

[BPDstinks]

Hello, friends!  just wanted to report my BPD sent her sister a, very thoughtful, birthday gift; my nonBPD texted her; she had this look on her face, like when you watch old videos...wistful?  I encouraged nonBPD to maybe try to do a lunch? Honesty time...I want to cry; i feel (this sounds so childish) left out; but...the bigger picture is the very small win!  (am I wrong to feel left out?) I wish i had a magic wand to make everyone just TOGETHER again

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Sancho]

Hi BPDstinks
Feeling left out is perfectly okay! I could feel the emotion you experienced at BPD dd's thoughtful gift and the pain as you watched your other dd's face.

BPD is so destructive of relationships. It is unreasonable, unpredictable and volatile. From outside we are entitled to think 'It would be so easy if we could just talk about it, sort it out, do this or do that . . .' Yet we are often the target of blame and unable to do or say the simple things that might help.

Congratulations on your gentle suggestions that could mean another 'baby step' for your BPD dd - connecting with her sister. The pain you feel is the price of love. You step back because it is in the best interest of your child, and love can have a painful cost.

I hope there will be more 'baby steps' and you will be able to see gentle progress. No doubt there will be setbacks, but your love is a firm base for things to move forward.

[BPDstinks]

Thank you for your kind and calming words!  I resonate with the "love" statement; since May 2024, I have said, "as hard as it is (very hard!) I would rather BPD not talk to me, than the "alternative" (that being hospitalization or worse) AND knowing she is in contact with SOMEONE helps me not worry (every night) that she is NOT ok...again, I still ponder, if BPD tells non BPD, "I miss you sissy"...REACH out, have lunch, etc. (from experience, the longer you "wait" the more awkward, etc. it is (such a sad statement that one would be awkward with their CHILD; again, I very much appreciate ALL