Does it ever get better?

[Almostout]

I've been reading posts about people struggling with their adult BPD child and empathising with so many,in a way it's comforting to know I'm not alone but it also makes my tummy churn and get the feeling there's no hope, some of the BPD adult children have been as old as 46yrs and I'm just feeling beside myself wondering what kind of a future my daughter will have.There are times where I have terrible thoughts, I feel like I've reached my limit and want to cease contact, I don't think I couldn't ever do that but there are times when I feel like it and then I feel like a terrible mother.My daughters father had borderline antisocial personality disorder,now known as BPD and I went through hell with him but in the end when I couldn't take anymore I left him,it took some doing but I got away and I could choose to leave him but now my daughter has it, can't exactly walk away this time can I? I suppose my real question is does it ever get better? Is there anyone or someone you know of who has gone on to thrive, has a job they love? A college course completed? Their own little family which they are actually doing great at? Something,Anything positive?Or at the very least has anyone felt the same way as I have?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[BPDstinks]

hi!  I am two years into the BPD gamut....I very much appreciate your query...as I often wonder that?  my 24 BPD has not spoke to me, other than a few random texts since May 24, 2023...I worry about her all of the time but wonder, when/if she is ready to re-establish contact (with our family) who might "care" anymore (I will) but...her young nieces don't even ask about her anymore...I find it so very sad (she recently reached out to her sister & said "I miss you" so....why not SEE her; i miss her so much, however, must be honest to state I don't miss the ANXIEITY, drama, whenever I spoke to her, anything I said was wrong; I hope YOU find peace!  this group will help!

[Almostout]

My daughter speaks to me very regularly, more so when she's not doing so good. I have a good relationship with her but it's like banging my head against a brick wall trying to steer her in a healthier direction.Its the drug binges she goes on that creates the most chaos and her having numerous unhealthy relationships with people and never maintaining healthy friendships or getting and keeping a job or a college course ect

[Sancho]

Hi Almostout
Yes I do know someone who is taking control of her life and much more stable than she was. She is in her 30s - which is the decade in which many of the symptoms of BPD can lessen. I was told this by a paediatric psychiatrist many years ago, and it is also stated in all the literature.

I think also that parents whose children are coping and have their lives in some sort of control in spite of having BPD are much less likely to seek out groups such as this and to post their story. When I came here I was trying to make sense of what was happening, and it was a great relief finding there were people going through the same chaos as myself.

The most positive thing about your situation is that communication is so good. I mean it's positive for your dd, but it means you know exactly what is happening and your anxiety level must be through the roof.

Is there any chance you can get your dd to therapy? That would be helpful.

I relate completely to wanting to walk away. I am quite at this point myself at the moment, but know I can't. I try to manage things by using the 3 C's mantra (I didn't cause this, I can't control it, I can't cure it) which helps me a lot, and I try to focus my mind on other things as much as possible. The nights and early mornings are the worst times for me.

If your dd is not willing to engage in therapy, perhaps you can find as much information as you can about DBT therapy and use some of those techniques in your communication with your dd - ie put on a 'therapists' hat rather than a 'parent' one.

[sarah98]

I][url][/url]t's incredibly brave of you to share your story and feelings here. Firstly, I want to acknowledge the strength and resilience you've shown in facing the challenges that come with loving someone who has BPD. Your feelings of exhaustion, despair, and even fleeting thoughts of wanting to distance yourself are not uncommon among caregivers and family members in similar situations. It's important to remember that these feelings don't make you a terrible mother; they make you human.

BPD is indeed a complex and challenging disorder, but there is hope. Many individuals with BPD can and do go on to lead fulfilling lives, including having successful careers, meaningful relationships, and families of their own. The road to recovery often involves comprehensive treatment plans that may include therapy, medication, and support groups, both for the individual with BPD and their family members.

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is one evidence-based treatment that has been particularly effective for many people with BPD. It focuses on teaching skills to manage emotions, reduce self-destructive behaviors, and improve relationships. With the right support and treatment, people with BPD can learn to navigate their emotions and challenges more effectively.

It's also vital for caregivers to take care of their own mental health. Seeking support from therapy, joining support groups for families of individuals with BPD, or even engaging in self-care activities can be invaluable. Remember, taking care of yourself isn't an act of selfishness; it's necessary to maintain your own well-being so you can continue to be there for your daughter.

To directly answer your question: Yes, it can get better. There are countless stories of individuals with BPD who have thrived despite their diagnosis. Recovery isn't a linear process, and what works for one person might not work for another, but with persistence, support, and the right treatment, there is hope for a positive future.

You're not alone in how you feel, and it's okay to seek help for both yourself and your daughter. The journey might be long and fraught with challenges, but there are moments of progress and success that can offer hope and reassurance.