in the middle of a BPD rage now

[chiliz]

I'm now in the middle of the BPD storm of my teenage son and as always, I'm heartbroken, crushed and frankly angry. Everything I say is wrong and finally I had enough of being shouted at no matter what mental illness. There's only so much even a mother can take. Our whole house is overturned.

I'm riding it through and waiting for his emotional hangover begins- the huge love crush and apologies.

We start DBT therapy next week and I'm literally praying to God we see some improvement. I honest to God don't know how else we will live through this and what's worse he will be an adult next summer.

Thanks for listening. He is on depression and anti-anxiety meds that have helped marginally.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Sancho]

Oh Chiliz - I am so sorry you are going through this. The chaos and destruction that results from these bouts of anger is devastating. I've had a bad time this week - lots of abuse, no holes in the wall thank god, but lots of outbursts that just fell short of damage.

It is heart-breaking. The hope of the therapy is there and good that ds is willing to go. I will be thinking of you, hoping you can hold out until you are able to see if there is some possibility of change through the therapy.

Is your ds self medicating with anything do you know - other than what is prescribed?

Going through the cycle of abuse/destruction/anger and then apology etc leaves us on edge constantly. There might be things we can suggest to try to stop the cycle, but at the moment holding out till the therapy can start is probably the best thing.

But holding out even one more day can seem impossible. I am glad you have posted here - we understand what you are experiencing, because we have been there - are there at this time.

Thinking of you . . .

[BPDstinks]

I am so sorry to hear this...while I am (don't even know the word for it...it is not LUCKY) not involved in any "rage", my 24 y/o BPD daughter, abruptly cut ties with our family (my non BPD daughter recently re-engaged with her (I know it is childish, i am jealous) there was a BAD thunderstorm the other day & BPD is petrified, I wanted to call her & check on her SOOO bad, however, she said threatened a restraining order, if I call, sigh...) in any case, I hope YOUR situation improves...believe me, I know (as my title references!) BPD stinks

[chiliz]

Thank you both for your kind words- just venting and knowing someone else heard me made a huge difference to me... something I need to remember when my BPD son is having an episode.

Sancho: no he's very careful about what he puts into his body... so as far as I know, no drugs or alcohol.

BPDstinks:  I am so sorry. My brother cut ties with our family 18 years ago- it is like experiencing a death that didn't happen. I pray that your daughter will reach out and if your other daughter was able to break through that is a HUGE sign of hope.

I'll keep you posted on the DBT therapy - fingers crossed. Thank you both again.

[BPDstinks]

thank YOU!  My BPD is in DBT so....fingers & toes crossed, she "comes" around

[CC43]

Chiliz,

Many parents on this site can relate.  The emotional whiplash can feel like it's breaking your neck.  And it's hard to understand why kids with many natural talents and gifts can seemingly self-destruct under a little stress, and hurl their ire and blame at the people who love and support them most.

The good news is that your son will be getting therapy.  I just hope he participates.  I tend to think that he has to want to change in order for therapy to work.  Otherwise, it can become a venting session about how everyone else is horrible to him, while facts are distorted to portray the patient as a victim.

Because BPD rage generally is directed towards loved ones, I think it can be a great help if parents remain involved in therapy.  Maybe you could participate in some of the sessions alongside your son.  At the very least, I think it's important to have a dialogue with the therapist.  Once your son is legally an adult, he might not grant you access to information about his treatments. In my experience with a stepdaughter diagnosed with BPD, therapy was far more successful once she allowed her father to speak with her therapist.  He will sit in on sessions with her sometimes.  And when there's a decision to make, typically they both talk it out with the therapist.  In my opinion, this has put my stepdaughter on a better track.

My advice is that if you continue to support your son into adulthood, the preconditions for your support are his participation in therapy and sharing information about his therapy.  Then you will have more information about medications, treatment options and progress, for example.  I imagine that some people will say that for therapy to work, your son requires complete confidence in his therapist, and he might not want you to know what's going on.  That is a valid opinion.  But in my experience, a person who is so volatile and impulsive might not be able to commit to the therapy without significant guidance, supervision and support.  That's where you can come in, if you're financially supporting your son.

I really hope that things start turning around for you both.