Adult child

[Morning]

My adult child accuses me of hiding a secret.  Tells me everything will be ok once I confess what the secret about them is.  Yells at me, asks why I wont tell them.  I end up in an argument with them because there is no secret. 
How do I handle this, am I best to remain silent.  I've tried to be calm and say I'm sorry but it just isn't true. 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[kells76]

Hello Morning and welcome to the group 

What a frustrating situation for you and your child to be in -- sounds like you are at a standstill.

How old is your child? Does your child have any official diagnoses?

That behavior sounds a bit more paranoid to me, though some pwBPD (persons with BPD) can occasionally exhibit paranoia.

Have you heard of the book I Am Not Sick I Don't Need Help by Dr. Xavier Amador? It's a fantastic guide to effective communication with persons with mental illness. He wrote it based on his experiences with his diagnosed schizophrenic brother, but the concepts translate to other mental issues as well.

...

Do the arguments between you and your child happen in person? Or over the phone, text, email, etc?

[BPDstinks]

hi!  i am sorry you are going through this!  I don't have advice, however, (I find this coincidental?) my adult BPD keeps (well....she is not speaking to me at all) so, KEPT saying, "you know what you did", followed by a glare...and, I do NOT know!!! I hope things improve

[Sancho]

Same here! BPD dd is always insinuating that I have done something/been the cause of everything. The hint is in the name of this disorder  . . . borderline. It refers to being on the borderline of psychosis. I understand that my dd believes what she thinks is true - but it is a convoluted mix of her experience, what others say, what she hears on tv etc.

It is so difficult to deal with because facts don't seem to shift the delusion. I tend to just validate the feelings. Sometimes that helps, sometimes not!

[BPDstinks]

YES!!! I left a dinner to go TO my BPD to help her (that was the last time she actually SPOKE to me) she sang the Taylor Swift "it's you, you're the problem" song & said, I was the reason she was "like this", (having learned many tools), I calmly (i am a very anxious person, so...it is hard to be "calm") said, I am sorry you feel that way, she went on to say I was not "present" when she was a child (I have pondered over this for MONTHS and do not believe this to be true); so, I said, I was obviously upsetting her, perhaps we could discuss this when she was "ready" and proceeded to leave, she said, "run away like you always do"; after that she stopped speaking to me, her father & sister, she texts every now & than; it is so frustrating