My daughter would have been 21 years old this month

[28mdn4]

My grief is growing this month. My daughter would have been 21 years old this month. She died by suicide when she was 18 and a half years old. I just found this website today. Just wanted to connect with others who have/had children with BPD. The coulda, woulda, shouldas are hitting me hard this month.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[kells76]

 

Welcome 28mdn4. People here will understand the pain and regret you're going through. Share whatever amount feels OK to you -- we get it.

 

[CopperLeaves]

Hello, I'm so very sorry for your loss of your daughter.

Sending support x

[BPDstinks]

i am so very very sorry for the loss of your daughter; I cannot even begin to imagine your sorrow

[PearlsBefore]

Welcome to the group, glad to see you found your way here - even if the terrible circumstances that brought you.

I am sure the last few years you had together were very difficult, but may I ask what your favourite memories of her before the age of 8 are? Was she a quiet bookish child, a vivacious talkative one, was she a Mommy's Girl, Daddy's Girl, or have any amusing insights or silly moments? I'd love to hear about them - too often we become fixated on the "shoulda, coulda, wouldas" as you say - focused on those last almost unavoidable spirals; but none of us can change the past, so I'd love to hear about the further past, the happy times if you're willing to share.

[Sancho]

Thank you for posting 28mdn4 - it took some courage to open up to others in your grief.

The journey with a bpd loved child is one of constant grieving in so many different ways - the loss of the person as we knew them, perhaps the loss of contact when you know they are 'out there, somewhere'.

But the loss through death is indescribably painful.

I hope you can let the 'should've' etc wash over you. It is a natural part of the grieving process and can help us come to accept that we did all that we could.

You feel the pain because you love your daughter, and underneath the pain and anguish, she knew that she was loved. I hope you can hold on to this especially during this time.

[livednlearned]

Oh 28mdn4, my heart goes out to you. What a hard time of year this must be.

Do you know about Emotions Matter? It's a nonprofit family survivors support group for people suffering the loss of a BPD loved one.