Son lost job. How much do I help financially?

[Hope83]

Son lost job due to behavior. He went to rehab for one month. He hasn’t directly asked for money but will send messages that he doesn’t have money. I have sent messages but no response. This is typical when I don’t offer to help financially.
My question- do I try to help financially?
My experience in the past is that he manages. Rehab said he participated in group sessions and individual sessions and he saw a medical doctor.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Sancho]

Hi Hope83
I think there are a couple of things. First your experience is that he manages, second that he is not responding to your texts.

It took me a long time to work out that frantic messages from my dd were the result of the extreme emotions of that moment. I suppose because it started when she was a teenager and of course very vulnerable. I used to respond quickly to 'fix' things.

Now I tend to wait and I also try not to respond to implication eg I'm broke (the expectation is that I jump in to say I will give some money). I wait to be specifically asked.

If your experience is that ds manages, then it could be that he contacts you when his anxiety is very high, but in time when the emotions are less intense he is able to think about possible solutions.

Just a few thoughts . . .

[Hope83]

Thank you. This is encouraging.

[Ourworld]

Hello Hope83,

I see it has been several weeks since you posted this, I just wanted to say that he is more than likely working all things out!

He shouldn’t really need your financial assistance, and he knows you care from the messages you sent. I truly hope that you did not go further, because then he is likely to walk all over you.