UBPD H needs approval

[AskingWhy]

My uBPD H has friends with, put it lightly, problems.

H gets drunk with one friend and then the friend, I later learn, drove off.  This friend has also given our dog beer.

H said it wouldn't happen again, but it did.  And there the man was letting the dog lick the beer can.  I was furious while my H said nothing to the man.

Then there was a friend of H, a houseguest with numerous health problems who takes a fistful of strong medicines like blood pressure pills.  The friend is mindlessly cutting these medications with a pill cutter, roaring with laughter as pills skittered across the dining table.  I was horrified that the dog would chase after it and swallow it.  H trivialized my terror as I leaped to make sure the pill didn't leave the table.

My H said insulting me, "Oh, she gets like this..."  The two men had a laugh like it was no big deal.  We have two grandchildren, one school age and one toddler.  How would he feel if the toddler found a pill and thought it was candy?  The children belong to H's D from first marriage.  He treats his children as extensions of himself like most pwBPD, and exercises no boundaries.  In the past, he confided to this D that we had marital problems.  This D is likely uNPD.  Prior to her starting a family, she was a workplace bully, proudly boasting of colleagues who quit in her department.  I later found a split pill on the floor of the guest room. It was only luck that our small dog didn't find it and eat it.

I'm sick of H's immaturity and putting our dog's safety at risk. I am looking seriously now at finding a psychotherapist for myself.  H is emotionally abusive and swears and punches things when he splits.  He's broken crystal vases and dishes in anger.

[PeteWitsend]

That is frustrating and awful.  I think getting therapy for yourself is helpful at gaining a perspective on the behavior that you might be missing.  It seems like there's a lot you've tolerated or experienced and you're just getting to the point of saying "too much."

Like a lot of things, I think the people who pwBPD choose as friends is pretty revealing. 

I noticed in my own case, uBPDxw would become closer to women that had as many problems as she did, if not more.  When I asked once why she didn't invite over the couple who had a kid our D's age, and who were "normal"... both had jobs, didn't seem to fight, were fun to be around, uBPDxw told me she felt uncomfortable around people who were "perfect." 

Of course, she had no problem attacking my own friends/family etc. whenever she felt the urge or need to...

[AskingWhy]

Thank you, PW.  I'm look8ng into therapy for myself.

H's whole family is a mess with being in some spectrum of PD. Like NPD or BPD.  More than 20 years and I'm thinking one day there will be a last straw.