Feeling burned out today

[usagi]

Hello forum,

I'm just feeling burned out today.  Lots going on.  My partner and I are moving into an apartment that is smaller than the house were are in now.  So there is a lot of decisions being made about what to keep, what to give away, and what to store.  My partner is feeling overwhelmed by the move because she has way more things than I do.  She keeps saying "I'm going to finish doing my share of the move then I'll leave and you can finish the rest on your own."  It makes me shake my head every time she says that.

This morning she woke up and said she was feeling poorly and that she had a horrible nightmare.  The theme was me leaving and my family of origin basically making fun of her and saying she's a loser and such.  I tried to validate her feelings about the dream by saying "yeah that sounds like a horrifying dream".  Later this morning she said that it would have been better for me to apologize for doing things that make her have bad dreams.

I have some work stress at the moment and the move is added.  I found out that my partner went down a step on her SSRI meds, which is probably making it more difficult for her to regulate.  She doesn't like being on them and keeps hoping that if her life gets less stressful she won't need them.  I sort of doubt that day will ever come.

I feel like she keeps bringing up the past because she has flashes of insecurity that make her feel scared.  Last week we were moving and in the truck she mentioned that we should build our own house someday.  I sort of followed on that I think that would be a good idea.  Almost immediately she followed up with "but I can never own a house with you because of what you did."  I tried talking with her about what was going on with her and she made it clear that it came up because we were talking about getting a house together (a conversation she started...).  She said that when she felt hurt she needed me to apologize again for what happened and that she'd never really be able to forgive me.

I think all she really needs is some validation of her feelings at those times.  Not some lengthy conversation about what I will and won't do in the future.  I've been trying to be sensitive and call out the emotions I observe more often.  Sometimes it backs her off from wanting to talk about the past.

It's just an emotional slog.  We've been having some good times recently and that helps.  But seeing her stuck in this and trying to be present all the time is difficult.

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[Pook075]

All I can say is, give yourself some grace and keep your head up.  Things have been changing for the better, and you know that it's a slow process.  Baby steps are still steps!  Focus on the finish line instead of in the moment.

[usagi]

Thanks pook =)

I do generally feel like things are getting better.  There's just been a lot going on lately for both of us.