Difficult Day

[Parents! Get help here!]

Hi again
As ever grateful for a place to go and any responses I receive are all gratefully received, thank you for taking the time.
I’ve had no contact with my pregnant daughter for over a couple of months now, she has another child  due in July
I cut contact & had to block her number and email as the abuse was effecting my mental and physical health plus no contact with grandchild, her decision . Today is my grandchild birthday- Like all grandmothers  I sent cards and gifts, which arrived as they should ( tracked)
 I’ve now received a message from my son saying she will not give the gifts to the child as I haven’t given her a proper explanation about … Blah Blah Blah & that she’s unwell with her pregnancy etc etc.
I truly despise her today and regret sending the gifts as I ‘enabled her ! She’s  using the child’s birthday to further abuse both of us !
She’s not fit to call her self a Mother, in my opinion, as I mentioned before,here, I worry about her child and unborn child given her mental health. I Was going to approach SS but became too ill myself to deal with the stress and ‘upset’ that would cause and frightened it would make things worse ? .
I just feel so sad for my little grandchild, she talks to no one in the family & the only saving grace is he’s at nursery 3/4 days a week.
Very upsetting day which should be a time of love and celebration for the little one.

[SwanOrnament]

Hi again
As ever grateful for a place to go and any responses I receive are all gratefully received, thank you for taking the time.
I’ve had no contact with my pregnant daughter for over a couple of months now, she has another child  due in July
I cut contact & had to block her number and email as the abuse was effecting my mental and physical health plus no contact with grandchild, her decision . Today is my grandchild birthday- Like all grandmothers  I sent cards and gifts, which arrived as they should ( tracked)
 I’ve now received a message from my son saying she will not give the gifts to the child as I haven’t given her a proper explanation about … Blah Blah Blah & that she’s unwell with her pregnancy etc etc.
I truly despise her today and regret sending the gifts as I ‘enabled her ! She’s  using the child’s birthday to further abuse both of us !
She’s not fit to call her self a Mother, in my opinion, as I mentioned before,here, I worry about her child and unborn child given her mental health. I Was going to approach SS but became too ill myself to deal with the stress and ‘upset’ that would cause and frightened it would make things worse ? .
I just feel so sad for my little grandchild, she talks to no one in the family & the only saving grace is he’s at nursery 3/4 days a week.
Very upsetting day which should be a time of love and celebration for the little one.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Sancho]

Hi SwanOrnament
Some days the impossibility of our situations is just overwhelming. Often these days are linked to a birthday/anniversary/Christmas etc. But not always - it can just creep up and cover us in a blanket of - I was going to say despair, thought again, then thought yes I have felt despair.

Anger of course. I admit that I have found myself at times - when dd is raging and I am trying to let it all go past me - saying to myself 'You ie my dd are turning into a monster'.

That's when the good old not JADE - ing comes in handy!

It is the time to care for yourself now - you have given so much and have carried the pain and sorrow for a long time.

You did the right thing sending the gift etc. How dd responds is out of your control - though it is probably predictable. Dealing with BPD one is damned if we do, damned if we don't. In the end it comes down to 'what is the right thing for me to do in my particular situation.

I think you also did the right thing not initiating SS inquiry. It is so unknowable how that will turn out. In the past I have done so and the situation has stayed the same after an inquiry - only difference was that I was the enemy.

I was very relieved to read your grandchild attends care a few days each week. I think this is a real lifeline. It is good also that they have mandatory reporting requirements if/when they think a child is neglected or in harm's way. So there is some oversight there.

Take care of yourself in any way that you are able. Protecting ourselves from the hurtful remarks, false accusations and 'crazy' demands takes a lot of effort - we can only get there a small step at a time I think.

Thank you for posting and sharing with us here. We all have a shared experience and we are not alone.

[BPDstinks]

Hi!  I am so sad to hear your scenario....my granddaughter's mother uses her children as "I refer to" as pawns...dangling them...she has cut off ties, with NO warning, more times than I can count...I have, FINALLY, come to the conclusion, she needs me...she will come around; though, that is no consolation...I have cried BUCKETS over not seeing my grandchildren, please know that your feelings are valid, you are not alone & there is always hope

[js friend]

Hi SwanOrnament,

Another Grandma here

Im in a similiar situation and havent seen my gkids for 3years now. What ive learned over the years is just be a silent observer. Being apart from my gkids has been the biggest emotional pain in my life to date. Like you I still send my if kids cards and gifts which im pretty sure that udd puts straight in the bin. I never thought of tracking the gifts but I do take a picture of what im sending so in the future if the gkids ever say that i forgot about them I can always show them. The most I can probably hope for is that they have a lovely day at school on their birthdays.

I dont think you should get into the JADE-ing with your udd because it will just be another hoop to jump through and it has no end as she probably wont be pleased with any answer you give. Another thing is  your son must also be careful that your dd doesnt use him to become triangulated in this situation