adult child

[Branch]

my adult daughter has disengaged with all family members. Should I reach out to her significant other, who has no clue of her condition, for help getting her treatment?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[kells76]

Hello Branch and

You must love your daughter very much to reach out here for help, and to want her to get effective treatment to be well. You're in good company with other parents and family members who so want to help their children.

Trying to get someone else into treatment is not an intuitive or easy undertaking, especially if you suspect BPD is involved. Understanding your situation a little more will help us support you better --

How old is your adult daughter, and how is your relationship with her (is she still in touch with you, does she seem to trust you)?

How long has she been with her partner? How is your relationship with her partner?

What led you to suspect BPD was in play?

Fill us in a bit, when you have a chance. We'll be here for you;

kells76

[BPDstinks]

hi!  i am so sorry to hear this...I have little to offer in the way of guidance, however, rather to say, I am going over a year now, with minimal contact from my 24 y/o BPD daughter & (she cut ties with me, her sister, her father & her (beloved!) nieces...at first, I tried everything to keep in touch; now, I "get" it, she is happy and content, so...this seems "better" for her, but, I miss her so much; many prayers for you

[Branch]

she is 39 the relationship is about 2 years old. My relationship with her is terrible i thought we were close then several years ago i started noticing her pull away and now its a disaster - she ended a tumultuous relationship of 13 years about a year before this current one with a suicide attempt. I cannot get to talking to her because she is dismissive-secretive -and blames her behavior on the family

[js friend]

Hi Branch

My own udd30 has ALWAYS rejected any idea of her getting any therapy or treatment. In her mind others (especially me) have always been the cause of her problems. If I were to contact my udd about getting treatment she would see it as me attacking her so I would be careful not to take that route to begin with anyway. I would also be careful about writing or speaking to the b/f and not dd as pwbpd often end up triangulating others. My dd has often done this and used to use exb/f to relay sometimes very hurtful comments and messages.

If I were to contact my udd  would make it seem very light and casual like;

Hi There dd I was just wondering how you and b/f are?
Make it about them and what they have been up to.
I wouldnt even put anything like....."Its been a while that I have heard from dd" as this may open the  flood gates from your dd of any claims of past abuse.
Whoever you decide to contact also bear in mind that you may not get any response. For whatever reason your dd like my udd has cut you out of her life and will often re-engage on their own terms. Pwbpd can remain angry for many many years. I dont know how they do it but they do.