7 yo started lying

[cleotokos]

My 7 year old son has always been very honest. He would tell us that lying is wrong and get upset when others lie. I considered this a part of his personality and part of who he is. So I am extremely distressed to see a change in him. He is my oldest so maybe it’s normal at this age? But of course it reminds me of H’s lying which he does to get out of responsibility. So my son takes something from his sister and when he gets in trouble just says “no I didn’t”. When confronted with incontrovertible evidence he just continues to deny.His dad never, ever admits responsibility for anything. He can hurt my son roughhousing and will just say he didn’t, even when my son’s crying.

As if that is not difficult enough, the other day he made up a story about going on a bus to a water park with his day camp. I am 99% sure this didn’t happen as the camp would have let parents know if kids were going off site and on a bus! Also it makes no sense that they would not attend the art class we’re paying for? Should I even double check this with the camp? It sounds absurd.

Is experimenting with lying like this a normal part of growing up? I’m dealing with other issues and this is breaking my heart. I never thought I’d have to worry about him growing up to be like his dad but I’m seeing changes in him that I don’t like. Aggressiveness with others’ personal space, not listening to me that feels like he’s trying to dominate. His dad disrespects me and has called me names in front of the kids. His dad doesn’t respect his personal space and now he’s doing it to his sister and to me. The other day his dad called me a ________ing idiot and yelled at me in earshot of them. Earlier he swore at me in a public restaurant in front of them. It’s not bad  enough for him to have supervised visits in a divorce, so I stay so they don’t have to deal with his _____ alone.

I will seek a child therapist for my kids. I didn’t think I saw any effect on them until recently. Lately my son seems to be growing closer to his dad. The whole situation is weirding me out.

[PeteWitsend]

I feel like all people like and bend the truth to varying extents, and it's kinda natural, so not surprising your son is doing this.

what matters more is the extent to which it happens and the things he lies about.

In this case, it kinda seems like learned behavior.  I had to have that discussion, particularly about lying when confronted with evidence.  I told my D that her word is her bond and credibility matters.  If she lies and gets caught and keeps lying, the person she's lying to will not believe her any more.

And I took care to help her navigate the mental conflict she'd get into about things her mom was telling her that she didn't believe.  I didn't say "Yeah, you're mom is a big time Liar" (even though it's true), I said "you're mom has her own opinion about things.  It doesn't have to be your opinion, you can trust what you see and hear.

[Tangled mangled]

I’ll just add that the early days of separation were the worst with my boys.

The older one was 9 and had witnessed me and my ex calling each other names during heated arguments.

I handled lies and a gaslighting attempt from the 9 yr old by reminding him that he was not in any kind of trouble and that lies were not necessary. I stressed to him that telling lies made things worse and the consequence for him was more severe eg removing loved items and tablet time.
I reassured him that the consequence for bad behaviour ( hurting his brother in a play, eating his brothers food etc ) was being told off and nothing more.

It’s taken a year to see improvements in my boys behaviour although we still have our moments. I also had issues with him not listening and being intrusive in other people’s space. I also think it’s all learned behaviour and it can be unlearned..
Be consistent with the consequences and have 1:1 chats when things are calm