Recent session with my therapist has me more nervous about my uBPDh

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I recently spoke to my therapist, bringing her up to date on what I’m experiencing with my H. I realize she’s never interviewed him and he is NOT her patient, but she knows the history. I’ve been working with her off and on,  for quite a few years. So her comments were concerning.

She agreed with me when I told her he’s getting worse. There are more outbursts, more negative and sometimes  nonsensical chatter, more episodes of him trying to agitate me, more manic behaviors, like rapid speech or driving miles and miles to 4 different parks, because each one was never quite right, etc.

She believes he needs medication, and I agree.  She also thinks it sounds like he needs hospitalization. I do think he’d benefit from a brief rest, away from home, where he can be evaluated by a psychiatrist, and put on meds.  However, I know this will never happen, because he’d have to do it voluntarily.  

She thinks as time goes on, things will come to a head. Either there will be an outburst that spills out into the hallway of our apartment building, and I’ll have to get security and the police involved, or he’ll have a car accident, because he’s driving while watching videos.

Not good.  

A lot to think about, and a little scary.

Still, miraculously, I’m not falling apart.  I socialize and stay busy outside of our home, as much as possible. It helps a lot. I don’t react to his provocative comments.  I get up and leave the room when he irritates me. I detach/tune him out, as best I can.

Today we will see our PCP in separate time-slots.  I’ve told him about my husband’s behaviors before, resulting in him writing a prescription for Xanax, for ME. I never took it.  This time I’ll let him know that my husband is driving while watching videos, although he no longer does it when I’m in the car.  I feel this should be documented, even if I get zero support from this doctor.  

This is where I am.  

Hanging in there.  

[JazzSinger]

I recently spoke to my therapist, bringing her up to date on what I’m experiencing with my H. I realize she’s never interviewed him and he is NOT her patient, but she knows the history. I’ve been working with her off and on,  for quite a few years. So her comments were concerning.

She agreed with me when I told her he’s getting worse. There are more outbursts, more negative and sometimes  nonsensical chatter, more episodes of him trying to agitate me, more manic behaviors, like rapid speech or driving miles and miles to 4 different parks, because each one was never quite right, etc.

She believes he needs medication, and I agree.  She also thinks it sounds like he needs hospitalization. I do think he’d benefit from a brief rest, away from home, where he can be evaluated by a psychiatrist, and put on meds.  However, I know this will never happen, because he’d have to do it voluntarily.  

She thinks as time goes on, things will come to a head. Either there will be an outburst that spills out into the hallway of our apartment building, and I’ll have to get security and the police involved, or he’ll have a car accident, because he’s driving while watching videos.

Not good.  

A lot to think about, and a little scary.

Still, miraculously, I’m not falling apart.  I socialize and stay busy outside of our home, as much as possible. It helps a lot. I don’t react to his provocative comments.  I get up and leave the room when he irritates me. I detach/tune him out, as best I can.

Today we will see our PCP in separate time-slots.  I’ve told him about my husband’s behaviors before, resulting in him writing a prescription for Xanax, for ME. I never took it.  This time I’ll let him know that my husband is driving while watching videos, although he no longer does it when I’m in the car.  I feel this should be documented, even if I get zero support from this doctor.  

This is where I am.  

Hanging in there.  

[ForeverDad]

She believes he needs medication, and I agree.  She also thinks it sounds like he needs hospitalization. I do think he’d benefit from a brief rest, away from home, where he can be evaluated by a psychiatrist, and put on meds.  However, I know this will never happen, because he’d have to do it voluntarily.

She thinks as time goes on, things will come to a head.

Medication may be part of the answer but not the entire answer.  Likely meds will only moderate the poor behaviors.  And many who start with meds don't stay on meds, often they don't like the side effects or say they don't need them anymore.

But, after all, something better is better than nothing.

[JazzSinger]

Medication may be part of the answer but not the entire answer.  Likely meds will only moderate the poor behaviors.  And many who start with meds don't stay on meds, often they don't like the side effects or say they don't need them anymore.

But, after all, something better is better than nothing.

Thanks so much, Forever Dad.

Since my visit with my therapist, one of our doctors ordered a brain scan for him, based on my behind the scenes input.  I reminded him that ten years ago, my H had a (TMI) stroke, and there were some results that were ignored.  I pray my H makes an appointment for this test soon. He seems to want to do it.

I’m at the end of my rope with him. I’m really struggling. 

I don’t know what I’d do without the support of you and others on this website. 

Cannot thank you enough. 

[ParentingThruIt]

I read this book on Anosognosia and found it helpful. The talk by Dr Amador is a good synopsis.

https://www.bpdfamily.com/content/how-to-get-borderline-into-therapy

My husband is undiagnosed to my knowledge but he appears to have BPD traits. I think he genuinely struggles to see around his feelings and perceive that he has a problem.  It's sad but it helps me feel less frustrated about the effort I've spent trying to discuss his issues with him.

The approach that's recommended is listening that validates their feelings and concerns (w/o necessarily agreeing, or validating inappropriate behavior).

I am trying to protect my kids from what's going on with him and am trying to accept that I can't be that supportive person to him - I've been split into bad and I probably can't come back from that quickly.  But it was nice to read that there can still be hope for treatment even if they can't perceive their issue.

[Notwendy]

I think it's a good idea for your H to have a physical evaluation- and it seems that he's getting tested. Whether or not someone has BPD- they can also have mental changes that anyone can have so it is a good idea to look for them.

FD is correct- medication does not "cure" BPD behaviors. It may help with other concerns- anxiety, depression, but it doesn't specifically treat BPD.

My elderly mother with BPD also is having other issues with memory and behavior. It is confusing- because it's hard to tell what is what. Is it dementia? Is it just because she is getting older? Is it her medication? As people get older, how they respond to medicine can change. She used to take a standard dose of anti anxiety medicine but now, she reacts to that dose and needs a lower one.

It's good that you expressed your concerns to your H's doctor and to let the doctor investigate.