>Being beat and kicked and no where to turn

[CaringAunt3801]

In Nebraska, My 23 year old niece was diagnosed with BPD 3 years ago. She has never consistently taken her medication and physically lashes out when asked to take her meds. She is also suicidal and has tried to commit suicide 11 times in the past 3 years. She hits and kicks both her mother and father who she lives with because she gets kicked out of every other living situation. She is on a differed probation program because of her violence and is in a crisis center on a 72 hour hold because she beat up her mother who had to be hospitalized. There are no mental heath facilities in Nebraska with beds and my niece has been on a waiting list for over a year. Her parents have insurance on her with some mental health benefits but they have no money to pay for any out of pocket expenses because they have spent everything on trying to fix this problem. Any suggestions of programs that might work for my niece? I’m afraid she is just going to end up in jail or worse. Thank you in advance for any ideas or programs that take UHC Choice +

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[HappyChappy]

Hi

So sorry your family is going through this. But one thing you can do is google "trauma triangle". If someone isn't aware they're in this dynamic, it will just encourage your nice to keep it going. The best free thing you can all do, is contact her using text messages (to protect yourselves from getting into the "trauma triangle"). Do it as a family, let her know you're there for her, you love her, but try and get a conversation going about "trauma triangles" and make it sure she knows nothing is her fault. Mental illness isn't a sin or a crime.

The reason for this, is that until all parties become aware they've been getting into these trauma triangles (and it's no ones fault) they will continue. Empathy will heal, slowly over time. But until your niece acknowledges she's getting into these and takes responsibly for avoiding them, she risks becoming "retraumatized" . The good news (and congratulate her for this) is that she's got a diagnosis. You can't mend, until you get that. The next step is to help her avoid these "trauma triangles". Money alone won't cure this, empathy and time will.

btw if she feels the whole family is there for her (without getting what she wants) sometimes an intervention can take the healing further. She'll need that whole family support for many years - but you also need to protect your own mental and physical health. Another step is to give her an incentive for taking her meds (i.e. empathetic reminders by text etc...). Someone with BPD fears abandonment, so doing it by regular texts will be a free way of achieving that. But being drawn into the "trauma triangles" by blaming (or giving her money) will just make her iller. Take expert advice - not just free advice on here.

[HappyChappy]

step two is probably to get her to take the meds, and ensure she's got safety (so money is needed for that)

step three would be encouraging her to understand the dysfunctional dynamic, i.e. trauma triangles.

Keep it simple. Avoid blame and use empathy. Work as a team, so she can't target the week spots (or wear you all out).

A facility, is just a holding position, they may be able to keep her safe and force her to take meds, but what happens after that ?