Support group for Parents of BPD young adults - north Texas?

[CedarchickTX]

Hello all - I’ve been searching and digging for support groups for parents with young adult children with BPD and it surprises me how little there is out there. Does anyone know of any parent support groups that meet live on the north Texas area? I’m a single mother to a 21 year old daughter with BPD and it has been a gut wrenching and heart breaking three years. Any guidance is appreciated. .

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[kells76]

Hi CedarchickTX and

I'm guessing you've already heard of the National Education Alliance for Borderline Personality Disorder (NEABPD)'s Family Connections™ - BPD/Emotion Dysregulation (ED) program? It's the closest thing I can think of. I believe they meet remotely right now (Zoom/Teams/etc) though in the past they may have done in person groups. There is a waitlist (I've been on it for just over 5 months, so hoping my turn comes soon!) but I've only heard good things about it. They also have a suicidality support group, and at least a few months ago, there was no waitlist.

The National Alliance on Mental Illness also offers free family support groups for those with loved ones with mental illness, though for general MH issues, not for BPD specifically (as far as I can tell).

Is your daughter living with you right now?

Gutwrenching is right... BPD is no walk in the park. Keep us posted on how we can be there for you;

kells76

[Ourworld]

Hi CedarChickTX,

I live in the Kerrville area; a lady in my ss class gave me the number of a group for estranged mothers that meets in town.
Let me know if you’re interested. If you are experiencing estrangement you could probably meet with this group via Zoom.

Best, OurWorld

[Josie C]

Hi CedarchickTX 

gut wrenching and heart breaking

Ain’t that the truth.

I agree that it’s a struggle to find any support group focused on BPD.  And having a support system when having a pwBPD in your life is an absolute. I long for groups available near me as well. The real-time back-and-forth of in-person discussion works better for me.  And you can give/receive real hugs!

Like kells76, I am on a waitlist for the NEA BPD Family Connections online class. I know it’s a long wait, but it sounds worth it.

I’ve also been to some NAMI support groups recently, both in-person and online. While I’ve not met anyone discussing BPD-specific issues, I tend to get a helpful piece of info at each meeting.  And in hearing other’s stories of both crisis and stability, I don’t feel so alone which helps some.

Have you done any Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)? It seems to be the gold standard for treating BPD traits—and it helps those loving a pwBPD, too.  About seven years ago, my husband and I joined a DBT program for parents of adult children w/BPD.  Our DD(21 at the time) refused to take part, but the therapist allowed us to join anyway.  It was a game-changer. We were in a year-long program with a small group of parents.  It wasn’t a time to vent (although that is surely needed at times, too!) but rather to learn specific skills to manage our own emotions and relate with our daughter more effectively. We met twice monthly — and it was totally worth the four-hour round trip. We learned skills (the distress tolerance and mindfulness areas were really helpful for me), left with homework, and returned to share what did/didn’t work.  It was very positive and I highly recommend it.

During my dd(now 29) recent crisis and downward spiral, I feel like all my skills went AWOL.  To ‘right my ship’ I began revisiting my notes from DBT and it is helping diminish my overwhelming pain, fear, guilt, and resentment. Returning to this forum is helpful, too.  The folks here understand and the support is tremendous.

Sending a virtual hug,
Josie C

[CC43]

Hi Cedar,

I had never heard of BPD until my adult stepdaughter was diagnosed with it.  But when I read up on the behaviors associated with the diagnosis, she fit almost all of them.  It felt really scary how those three, pejorative-sounding words--Borderline Personality Disorder--could explain my stepdaughter's low stress tolerance, impulsivity, anger issues, blame-shifting, suicidality, broken relationships and general dysfunction as she entered adulthood.  But then I read that BPD is treatable, which gave me some hope.  I'm happy to say that my stepdaughter has improved significantly with DBT therapy.  She's been fortunate in having the steadfast support of her dad, as well as access to top-notch therapies.  She also deserves credit, because she decided that she needed to get help to start to feel better, and that is probably the most important factor in turning things around.

After learning about BPD (and NPD), I've come to the realization that there are a few others in my life who exhibit the behaviors associated with these disorders, though they remain undiagnosed to my knowledge.  But reading up on the disorder has made me more sensitive in how I respond to others, especially when they show signs of agitation or anger.  I'm also more aware of my own triggers.

I haven't sought therapy for myself (yet), but in learning how to cope with a family member with BPD, I have confided in some friends.  In that process, I've learned about how prevalent "neurodivergence" really is.  Now I know that several friends, colleagues and neighbors have loved ones with neurodivergent traits, from depression to NPD to addictions to severe learning disabilities (and sometimes a combination thereof).  Though specific challenges may be different in each case, the stories of heartbreak and resilience are common denominators.  It's amazing how parents can get creative in helping loved ones overcome obstacles and find a way to a better life.  They can be lifesavers, because they too have gone through the wringer, by dealing with alternative education options, doctors, therapies, medications, police, insurance, residential care, etc.  I guess that knowing you're not alone can be therapeutic in itself.  So for me, my support group has consisted of a few friends who have children or siblings with neurodivergent traits.  They've also helped me by sharing what sort of boundaries they have in place.  Sometimes, deciding what is "firm but fair" in terms of boundaries can evolve over time!

[guiltymom]

[Sorry, I sent this to the wrong thread before.]

I'd love to find a straight-up support group. The Family Connections class that I did was more of an information session for people who were just beginning to learn about BPD; the facilitators, who seemed knowledgeable and open, did little more than read handouts out loud.  The first 10 minutes or so at the beginning of each session—when we went around the Zoom and introduced ourselves and said why we were there—was the only part of the two hours that felt sort of like a support group, and it was great.

[Ourworld]

Hi CedarChickTX,

Here is the contact info for a support group in Kerrville, Tx for estranged parents: Alycia-210-488-6154

I do not know if your child is estranged or not.

OurWorld