I'm grateful for your time and any wisdom anyone wishes to bestow upon me. I'll do my best to be concise. Please don't hesitate to ask any questions. I'm pleased to get the info off my chest.
Up until about a year ago I was in a relationship with a bpd lady for about 4 years. Her mother is diagnosed with bpd, and she was raised by her mother since age 4, I believe. My ex has never been diagnosed with bpd but she also hasn't seen a therapist as an adult- you can't be diagnosed if you're under 18 years old.
It's safe to say I've been oblivious and unrealistically optimistic in regards to the direction our relationship had been going. I was well aware she had issues and she wasn't denying she did. I've been in many long term relationships and I've never had an argument with any of my partners, but arguing seemed to be a regular accurance with my ex. She kept saying she's "going through something" or "drugs are making her crazy". She was on and off meth our entire relationship, often hiding it from me.
I figured someday she'd be grateful for my patience, determination to help her and always giving her benefit when in doubt. I did my best to treat her the way I'd want to be treated if I was in her shoes.. unfortunately there is zero appreciation for anything I've done. I've lost my job I asipred for and finally achieved. Somehow all my friendships just aren't there anymore. Even my parents doubted me when the accusations started. All I have are her cats that she abandoned and my son who loves me dearly but I only see once in a great while (against court orders).
It's all been hell, I don't like recalling it and it's humiliating to discuss. I can't believe I've allowed this to happen to not only me, but my parents and now my sons health is in jepordy because of my poor decision-making and irrational foresight. At the same time I find it difficult to be mad at her. I knew she was a kook. I knew she had screws loose. I saw the sweet innocent girl deep down in her and I believed she'd step up to the plate and be a dependable partner and quality mother if she was given the chance. I didn't have a clue.
Of course, there's dv stuff going on. I have 2 seperate arrest dates about 10 months apart. I had initially called the police because her mental health was declining. She realized she was going to be arrested and said I hit her. I told the cops I'm actually the victim of abuse. They flat-out said "I don't believe you. You're a liar". It was a hopeless conversation. Being dehumanized during the jailing process is the icing on the cake. It seals the deal quite well if you had any pride or thought perhaps anyone still cared for you.
I extremely concerned because I recently came across some notes of hers (my exs) BTW she writes everything down like some lunatic.. her thoughts and conspiracies she'll scribble down. Sort of like that movie "A Beautiful Mind" where the guy had delusions and had rooms full of gibberish notes he kept secret. She's planning to make me look like some sort of zero empathy, extremely cold hearted, controlling, micromanaging, hard headed serial killer who is violent towards our son. This is all so offensive because it couldn't be further from the truth. I never tried to control her, I've always been passionate, romantic and considerate of her. It's been painful to say the least dealing with her during the relationship. And as for our son- when I was 4 years old and I saw how happy it made my dad to take me fishing for the first time I knew I couldn't wait for the day I was a father too. I love my son with my entire heart. He's truly the most adorable little guy. He's so happy! Just like I was
. He's always smiling ear to ear, laughing and loves being silly... I'd never harm him. He was 8 weeks premature and even the nurses in the nicu told me my ex isn't right. Me ex struggled to hold him at first. It was very very hard to watch. I was deeply concerned and strongly advised her to go to the meetings for ladies with these type of issues with their new born. Fortunately our nurses were very helpful..
She also keeps writing that i wanted her to play a motherly role to me. Very odd. There was absolutely nothing like that in our relationship. If anything it was her who wanted me to be a parent to her.
I believe the DA wholeheartedly believes her, along with my attorney and the judge. My attorney used to be the DA in that very courtroom about 20 years ago. He's expressed he believes her over me because "she speaks so well". Extremely insulting. Also, the judge has done some irregular conversing with me that I was told was an attempt to make me feel comfortable in his courtroom, and that he plans to throw the book at me because he believes the lies my ex has submitted about me and he also wants to up his judge ranking. (Judges jobs are like a game to them, where they compete with all the others judges on who contributed the most bodies and time. California is a prison labor state, so there is an incentive to send people to prison. These are facts, believe it or not.)
She stole my 4runner and has been living on the streets with my son for over half a year now. She has a tiny collapsing camper she's currently living out of with him. They live amongst a homeless encampment that recently sprung up here in the East SF Bay Area.
I'm obviously concerned I may do some serious time. Im bewildered as to why she is attempting to associate me with this extremely cruel personality. I dislike it so much that I still have concerns for her and want to help her seek professional therapeutic help. I'm just pathetic when it comes to girls. I'm not easily taken advantage of, but I'm definitely too nice and forgiving. Im too forgiving in general. I can't hold a grudge longer than a moment. I always believed in balance in the universe and believed this sort of extreme trouble would never come my way due to my always treating others how I wanted to be treated.
I'm not trying to sell some bull
PLEASE READ version of myself I'm just speaking my thoughts freely. I'm far from perfect. But I'm certainly no monster. Unlike my ex.
Thanks for reading thus far. I feel lame because it feels like im just whining/complaining on here. No one wants to hear my lame ass situation I got myself in.
I'm seeking advice anyone can share regarding my legal situation. Does the court system take bpd seriously and understand the implications it presents? I know trial with 12 of my peers would be a better situation for me considering the judge I'm currently dealing with has his mind made up about me already.
How have people won in the past when dealing with bpd flase accusations? Are they normally this extreme? I don't see how my situation could be any worse, as far as what I'm being accused of. I didn't mention that she's claiming, when my son first came home, if he started crying I'd pause my video games and yell and kick the crib. She's saying she threw herself between me and my son many times to protect him from my uncontrollable anger. So
PLEASE READing insulting I could just die hearing those words. I'd never do such a God awful thing.
The entire situation is ruining my life. My once strong relationship with my parents will never be the same. None of my friends want to talk to me. It's like everyone somehow heard her accusations and believe them.
This isn't going to lead to anything. It's not like there's some magical advice that'll fix all this. I'm completely
PLEASE READed. I consider moving to Germany. I'm not doing anymore time. I very much dislike it in there. It turns me into a very depressed person.
This is the first time in my life I've not been happy. Pathetic, I know, but I'm no good at handling it.
