How much did divorcing your BPD cost you?

[CravingPeace]

I think I am in for a long road. The fact is she doesn't really have any money for attorney fees. I gave her half of what we had.
My attorney says he doesn't think I can be ordered to pay for her. As we would need to sell assets like the house.

But just interested how much did you pay for your longer than normal divorces in attorney fees, GAL, Custody evaluations, trial etc!? Thanks

[ForeverDad]

I was stuck with most of the bills, as well as child support (she had temp custody and majority time, my court default for virtually all divorces) but I did not pay her lawyer's bills.

It was a two year divorce and we settled on Trial Day - on the proverbial court house steps.  When I stated I was agreeable for the Custody Evaluator's desire for us to try Shared Parenting (essentially equal everything but it failed within a couple years) but only with the added requirement that I be the Residential Parent for School Purposes, she begged with tears that I let her stay as Primary Parent.  I said No, it's that or let's start the trial.  Then she offered to give up her equity in our house.  That's when her lawyer stepped in and had a conversation with her.  That's when I realized they were going to get paid from her portion of the home's equity and the retirement account.

That money transfer is one of the last steps of the divorce and is handled with quit claim deeds held in escrow during sales or mortgage refinancing and, if splitting any retirement account funds, Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO) handled by the court and retirement account's experts.

So, no, you typically don't pay for her lawyer, at least not now.  Not if you don't want to enable her to feel comfortable extending the divorce process even more time than it has to take.

If you earn more than she earns then likely she'll get some child support along the way.

If she's got health insurance through your work, then that can continue during the divorce.  Post divorce she can continue that insurance at her option through COBRA laws, if in the USA.

If she has a car under your insurance she may have to get her own account if her car is garaged at a location separate from your vehicle.

You would do well to have your paycheck or earnings go to an account in your name.  If there is a joint account for paying household utilities, etc then you can fund it from your separate account but only load enough to pay the bills, nothing excessive so she doesn't get the idea to drain the cash.  Or you may choose to pay the standard utilities and other bills directly yourself to ensure they get paid and not risk accounts lapsing.

In my case my ex and I each had our own credit accounts, so it was simple for me... I cut up my card on her account and I cancelled her card on my account.  It would have been much more complicated if we had joint credit accounts.  Some companies won't close joint accounts until the bill is paid in full but meantime the ex may keep charging on the account, delaying closure.