Update since getting the Protective order dismissed

[CravingPeace]

New thread split from here https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=358817.0

So after my uBPD wife had me removed from the house (under ridiculous DV accusations) , we got the TPO dismissed right before the hearing as they clearly knew it was lies to get me out of the house.

We had a mutual restraining order put in place. Her Dad tells me it was all her attorneys fault and she wants to be friends. Is he manipulating me or is she? I read the lies she wrote she is not the victim from her mean attorney that made her do it...... she is so pathetic.

 Frankly hell would freeze over before I am friends with someone who told the police I was armed and she was afraid I was going to kill her and the kids so they approached me as an armed threat and removed me from my home infront of my crying children.

(Intrestingly they never ask to speak to her when with me, but call me very day when with her to tell me how much they miss me).

Oh and she also tried to have the kids added to thr PO which would have blocked me from seeing them. Luckily the judge declined that.

I don't know about anyone here but that doesn't exactly sound like someone I want to be friends with.

Anyway kid pick up and drop offs is generally ok curb side, as I say nothing other than hi or bye. Or speak to my attorney.

I now live in a new apartment with no furniture while she lives in a multimillion dollar house all of which was paid for by me.  Meanwhile she continurs to spend 50% of my salary on credit cards, and I pickup mortgage,rent,all bills,car payment for her, all her ridic amazon spends. When I ask her to share the school lunch fees she says she can't as she can't access any money......victim again. Maybe budget and dont spend so much...

It is all due to ridiculous injunctions that prevent me from stopping service or altering her access to finance. All while she refuses to work. Things really are skewed in favour of women so it feels. What if the women is the abuser? Courts dont seem to care?

My attorney has a solution we are currently implementing about the finacing, but I am currently 20k into legals with only sudo temp orders in place .. I gave her legal money to be fair so its prob more like 30k...

Anway on the positive I am out. We got close to 50:50 child custody temporarily. We got a guardian.

It's now just the money side that freaks me out. Will I ever recover! But I need to take the positives for now. Now I dont live with crazy uBPD the kids can see I am not a part of that. I am generally stable and calm and fun and supportive. Our relationships are getting stronger and thatd in only a few weeks.

I know I did the right thing. Its just frustrating how long divorce takes with an obstructive unreasonable person who says she wants to be friends and meanwhile attacks and accuses me of the most awful things.

Gaslighting anyone!

[ForeverDad]

If you're divorcing then likely you don't pay her legal bills, at least I didn't.  My ex's lawyers got paid from her share of the house's equity.  That didn't occur until we settled the divorce after nearly two years in court, she surrendered a quit claim deed, I became sole owner and I refinanced.

Perhaps you could petition the court to limit her spending to 'essential' items but I have no idea what would be considered 'essential'.  Is she getting child support? Is she getting interim spousal support?  If so, then why should she be adding charges to your card account?

My ex and I each had our own credit card accounts.  When we separated I cut up my card as cardholder and I cancelled her card as cardholder.  That was rather straightforward.

What can be complicated about joint credit card accounts, at least in the past, is that some companies won't close a joint account until it is fully paid off.  Even if you suspend her card, she could just call and reactivate it.  Problem too is she may just keep charging and you may never get it down to zero long enough to close it.

[CravingPeace]

Currently we just have a stipulation from when the tpo was dismissed and I pay marital costs. It is my credit card and she is a named user. However due to filing for divorce there are standard injunctions like not to cancel any service she uses .

My attorney is speaking to her attorney about it as its completely unreasonable that I pay for everything including her huge credit card overspend. The entitlement is flabbergasting!

[GaGrl]

Yes, definitely document how much she is spending via your credit card outside what else you are giving her. If excessive, that might be worth pursuing an interim financial order.

Is that the only credit card on which she is authorized?