1. Volatile Emotions Emotional volatility is indicated by such things as explosive behavior, temper tantrums, low frustration tolerance, responses out of proportion to cause, oversensitivity, inability to take criticism,
I spent a long time thinking I was doing something to cause these outbursts of anger.My stbxBPD H frequently behaves with the emotions of a child. Sometimes it is difficult to identify what happened to cause his sudden burst of anger. In the past year he has started to say from time to time that he is embarrassed that he has not ever learned more appropriate behaviours or responses.
2. Over-Dependence a) inappropriate dependence, e.g. relying on someone when it is preferable to be self-reliant, and b) too great a degree of dependence for too long.
Again, this feels like taking care of a small child rather than being married to an adult partner. I always thought this was because he left an abusive family home and moved in with me at a young age. We were both 21. I had lived on my own for 2 or 3 years. He has never lived on his own and has never even had a utility bill in his name. He doesn't do adult things on his own. He won't even leave a job that is no longer good for him. Preferring to be fired or forced out.
3. Stimulation Hunger This includes demanding immediate attention or gratification and being unable to wait for anything. Stimulation hungry people are incapable of deferred gratification, which means to put off present desires in order to gain a future reward. Stimulation hungry people are superficial and live thoughtlessly and impulsively. Their personal loyalty lasts only as long as the usefulness of the relationship. They have superficial values and are too concerned with trivia (their appearance, etc.). Their social and financial lives are chaotic.
We have had so many agruments around this issue. We even have a name for it. We call it "putting a stick in my spokes." It means, everthing is going along ok and then he gets some idea about something he needs or has to do, and even if it means sticking a stick in the spokes and flipping the bike, (which injures me) he will do it. Later he explains how it's not his fault and will double talk and flip the conversation making it worse.
4. Egocentricity Egocentricity is self-centeredness. It’s major manifestation is selfishness. It is associated with low self-esteem. Self-centered people have no regard for others, but they also have only slight regard for themselves. An egocentric person is preoccupied with his own feelings and symptoms. He demands constant attention and insists on self-gratifying sympathy, fishes for compliments, and makes unreasonable demands. He is typically overly-competitive, a poor loser, perfectionistic, and refuses to play or work if he can’t have his own way.
This describes my stbx with BPD to a t. Even if he does something that has wronged me, he will only talk about how he feels about it. So for example, let's say he says he'll be home for dinner at a certain time. That time will come and go by and he will show up two hours later. He won't understand why I would have expected him to call and say he was going to be late. He won't understand why he would need to appologize. And then he would only be concerned with how this situation was making him feel bad. And fishing for compliments ... oh my gosh ... and from anyone anytime anywhere.
A self-centered person does not see himself realistically, does not take responsibility for his own mistakes or deficiencies, is unable to constructively criticize himself, and is insensitive to the feelings of others. Only emotionally mature people can experience true empathy, and empathy is a prime requirement for successful relationships
I must go now and learn about co-dependancy or what ever it is that I am suffering from that allowed me to degrade myself for so long.