SELF ASSESSMENT | Depression Self Testing: Are you depressed?

[helpinghand123]

I got a 48. Today is a bad day. I am not thinking of harming myself just trying to move on. It's hard. I don't know what to do with myself most of the day.

What a difference sometime makes. I am a 27 today. Still depressed a little, but I feel much much better. It only gets better from here.

[pinupprincess]

I scored 65    4 weeks out for me... only 5 days n/c... .my self esteem is on the floor! Doing college though and being brave for my son!

i just feel in a limbo... just wandering what she is doing!

[isilme]

59?  I admit I'm still grieving a bit about fur-baby's death 2 months ago - so that's factoring in a lot to the loss of interest in a lot of things, lack of sleep an so on. 

[BreadHead]

I just got a 4!

I am ecstatic!

Earlier this month 10/7 I was at a 10 and I am feeling that much better.

I honestly attribute it to some serious closure I had with the Ex UBPD So, where he actually honest owned up to a lot of his behaviors, and has actually been working in counseling on his issues.  It seems like it was a big step I needed. 

He still creeps into my thoughts, but a lot of my anger is gone and i've replaced it with acceptance and forgiveness.  I can't forget though, and ain't that the kicker? 

I cannot say enough how helpful this place has been and continues to be when I feel like I've fallen off the wagon. 

Thank you all.  what a serious blessing!

[Gowest]

0

Man I really had no idea how much PDed ex-roommate still having some control over my space was affecting me. Five weeks ago I'd been blaming work for stressing me out, until I made a list of stressors and it was like "work" and then 20 other things not related to work. Hmmm. Confirmed now, because I'm still working (it's Monday morning even) and I feel fine. I guess work is just the most socially acceptable thing to say is causing you stress. It sounds ridiculous to say "my exroommate left some stuff here and I changed the locks and she also left a large damage deposit but I'm still really scared about what she might do". But it was the truth. In the end there were enough shiny objects around when circumstances demanded letting me go that I was spared. One month out and life is good. I am way less anxious in general too.

[MarieLauren]

56 :|

[hangintherebaby]

I scored 64... .

No, I don't want to end my life... .

And, no, this does not have to do with my past relationship with pwBPD traits... .

It has everything to do with me and how I handle difficulty and rejection... .

My work is suffering... .

My life is suffering... .

Because, I internalize my hurts... .

I beat myself up... .

I so want the dark cloud to go away... .

But, I guess I have to truly want it to go away... .

It's a choice... .

Do I follow the path filled with light?

Or, do I follow the path that is doom and gloom and filled with dark?

[turtle]

1st time I ever took this test was long before I even knew about bpdfamily. My Therapist, back in 2001, had me reading Feeling Good and I took the test weekly for awhile.  Back then, during the worst of my depression, I was scoring around the high 70's.

First time I took the test on this board was 8/24/08. - I scored 46.

2nd time I took this test (and posted about it) was 10/26/10. - I scored 60.

Today, my score is 63.

Dammit... .Life has been very hard for the last 10 years. I'm just so exhausted.

turtle

Took the test today and scored a 36!  YAY!  I'm coming out of the cloud!

turtle

[helpinghand123]

I got a 48. Today is a bad day. I am not thinking of harming myself just trying to move on. It's hard. I don't know what to do with myself most of the day.

What a difference sometime makes. I am a 27 today. Still depressed a little, but I feel much much better. It only gets better from here.

Wow its amazing what some time can do. I scored a 14 today. If I had taken it the other day I would have scored much higher. I see that I am improving, and I think about her less. Working on myself and not being codependent on her are really helping.

[Simpleone]

I tested at 44 on March 15th... .today it's 38. Not much of an improvment, but at least the number is going DOWN.

Okay- wow- 1 month made a difference. Today I am at 25- pretty sure it's the SAM-e I started taking. Or it could be a rare, incredibly good mood... .either way- this is good!

[irishsob]

Scored a 17 on May 20th. In retrospect I am surprised it wasn't higher given what was occurring at that time. It was May 19th that the pain in my shoulder, arm & back started. Turned out I had a pinched nerve which took a good 3 months to heal. Might have been a blessing as I had to focus on my own health during that time.

Scored a 1 today! And this even as we are going through yet another of our episodes! Progress?

I found it ironic too that it is almost exactly 6 months to the day that I decided to re-take this assessment.

[Sealie]

25 - upper scale of 'mildly depressed'

Not surprising after escaping a forty-year toxic marriage with my uPAPDexh;  almost six months solo now and just loving being on my own.  Still lots of ruminating and anger, plus the anxiety of what will be a conflict-ridden property settlement with exh dominating the scenario thru holding all financials and income.

Retirement was supposed tranquil and relaxed  ~ it's anything but! However, I am determined to work through my own issues (enabling) and eventually be able to fully engage in the joy of life.

Including question 18 and moving from a current 4 to a zero! 

[trax]

5!  Woohoo!  I recently started a hormone treatment and within days all my "depressed" and "anxious" symptoms were just gone.  I have been working on these in T with not much progress for two years and bam!  Sometimes it really is more of a physical problem. 

[argyle]

Up to 14.  But, well, I've always oscillated between about 2 and 16ish.  And, by always, I mean... .definitely over the last 25 years or so.  Seems to be a family trait.  Generically speaking, my life's actually pretty good right now - just feeling down.  Maybe more exercise would help.

--Argyle

[Matt]

8/24/08  19

6/30/09  28

8/25/09  21

9/15/09  15

12/6/09  20

2/12/10  17

4/2/10    7

9/9/10    4

1/3/11    7

12/16/11 13 (Some very bad news recently, and the impending holidays.)

[diotima]

Well, I thought I'd try this out today. In the past, it has always been in the 20s and 30s. Today it was 12 give or take a point either way. This is a big improvement IMHO. We'll see what the morrow brings.

Diotima

[OBcean]

Hmmmmmm.  I scored 56.  Not so good.     And here, I thought I was doing so much better!  Kinda discouraging.  However, I need to point out two things:  a) I gave myself a score of 5 in two places b/c my answer was more extreme than a measly 4.  and  b) I've really just now gotten a clear understanding of what my soon-to-be-ex uBPDh's problem is.  I've spent my entire adult life (all the time I've been married to him) trying to figure it out.  Having only done that, thoroughly and completely, in the last week or two, I guess my depression is not so surprising. 

Other things i can confess here include the fact that I've been diagnosed with Major Depression, in partial remission for years.  More than likely, I've been officially Depressed since I was 15.  I've been (on and off) meds since my early 30s.  Done much work in CBT (yay!) and have occasionally  been able to live med free, thanks to it.  Taking 5-HTTP or whatever it is called, now, and that gives me a feeling of power which is scary, but fun.  Other factors:  My mom died 10 months ago, and I'm in a work situation where I am not making the $$ I was promised, and my boss is the most non-strategic man I think I've ever known.  No chance of change there... .so it's frustrating and de-motivating.  But, at least I have a job. . .

I have spent the majority of my life making do (except for my phenomenal kids!) so I guess it makes sense that I'm depressed.  I'm looking forwrd to the last third of my life - finally being able to tbe ME!

[momtario]

I scored a 56, which is actually better at this point than I was expecting, so I will work on things from here.

[ellil]

I am a 13, but assigned myself 1 point for things that maybe should've been a zero? Like, I'm not really worried about my health, but of course at 50 I question if there are things that I should be doing to stave off age-related deterioration.

M

[Sealie]

Wow, I'm amazed at the difference in my score over just a matter of six weeks:

22 Nov - 25

30 Dec -   8

What a great improvement to bring into the new year   and continue the path to healing in 2012.

A huge part of the improvement was finding this site and all the reading I've been doing on PDs;  understanding/accepting the destructive traits of this horrible mental illness and being able to lose a lot of the anger and replacing it with pity/compassion towards my exh living his life with such a debilitating and all-encompassing noxious mental disorder.

There are some things that I will never be able to forgive.   I have 'given myself permission' to let the unforgivable remain as such but now, through working on myself, these come to the surface without the previous trigger of extreme anger/disgust.

Will certainly   and share a glass in celebration with me, myself and I!

[tzwong]

I am 2 weeks removed from my uBPDxgf. I scored 67 today. It might have been higher a few days ago. THat is hopeful!

[argyle]

2... .admittedly I'm taking a bit of St. John's Wort. It really does seem to help.

--Argyle

[momtario]

It's been 2 weeks, and I have gone from a 56 to a 65... .

[itsaconspiracy]

I scored at 42 its been a bad few days, a few years ago I would have answered a Zero to most of those questions I answered a score with all but one.

[marlo6277]

About 6 weeks after making some significant changes, I scored a 10. I'm quite pleased with myself.

[bigblue]

I already knew I was really depressed, but I scored a 69. I have been living this way for 15 years and I hope I finally get some help, as I feel like its my last chance before I go completely insane. I am in the process of finding a therapist. I sometimes wonder how I have made it so far, but I just keep going. More out of fear of the unknown than anything else. Is anyone else severely depressed right now, too?

[zoso80]

Currently a 12, which is an improvement from the past. Some things are looking up.

I'm plowing forth, formulating plans and looking to new things. It's just the situation which, well, stinks.

[Simpleone]

Mar 2011- 44

Oct 2011- 38

Nov 2011- 25

Feb 2012- 20

What a difference a year makes.

[cyrix]

hi all,

I scored 42, so lets see how I do from here onwards... .

[frankief]

I scored a 54. Ugh.

I first came to this board in November 2011. I've been NC with my uBPD dad for over 3.5 years. My depression is a combination of issues re: my dad/childhood and the fact that I've been unemployed for 6 months.

I have no desire to self harm. I do feel pretty ashamed and worthless. I'm really angry. In general I feel really stuck.