Helping my son

[Teresa]

Hi,

I am in the process of finding the correct way to help my 27 yr old son. He is suffering from depression, has insomnia, is always in pain, isn't able to work, gets agitated very easily, and the list goes on and on. He has been to counceling and takes an anti depressant and a drug for ADHD. He spends his time in his room alone on the computer or XBox or sleeping and has no friends or social life whatsoever. The counceling did not have any results. He does know that he needs help and is willing to try. How do you know when someone needs a psychiatrist or needs to stay at a facility? I don't know what the deciding factor is and if he should keep waiting to see if his latest counceling will help or move on. I would love to have my son back to the happy person that he used to be. Thanks for your help.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[truefriend]

Oh I'm so sorry... .  Sorry to ask a question right off the bat but, you said he used to be happy? Can you pinpoint anything that may have caused this?

[blackandwhite]

Teresa,

I'm sorry as well--I can hear the pain in your post and how much you want to help your son.

Truefriend asked a good question, and I have a few more. How long has he been despondent? Is he having thoughts about hurting himself?

He certainly sounds depressed, and it sounds like the counseling and antidepressant are not working. He should get better results than this. It can take a lot of tries to hit on the right medication regime for depression, and it can also take some false starts to get into the right approach to counseling. Certainly his symptoms would warrant some visits to a psychiatrist. He should look for someone who is expert in treating depression, anxiety, and ADHD. Do you see symptoms of BPD in him? Here are some links to review:

What Is Borderline Personality Disorder?

Borderline Personality Disorder - A Clinical Perspective

Borderline Personality Disorder - A Layman's Review

Workshop - BPD: What is it? How can I tell?

Teresa, please keep looking out for your son, but also look out for yourself.  x

B&W

[Patty]

Hi Teresa

Welcome to the board! I am very sorry to hear about your son. Things sound very difficult for him and for you as well. From what you have told us, you are in the right place for advice and support and being here will help you immensely!  x

Please do read as much as you can and check out the great links that Blackandwhite has given you.

I look forward to seeing you on the board.   



Best wishes

Patty

[Teresa]

Oh I'm so sorry... .  Sorry to ask a question right off the bat but, you said he used to be happy? Can you pinpoint anything that may have caused this?

Thanks for responding. It has been a progressive thing which started with poor grades in school, not being able to keep a friend without making him mad, losing jobs because of unappropriate responses to directions given, anger issues, ADHD symptoms, low self esteem caused by being overweight (he had the gastric bypass surgery and has lost 230 lbs now) but still sees himself as heavy, etc. It was not something that happened overnight, but has developed over many years.

[Teresa]

Teresa,

I'm sorry as well--I can hear the pain in your post and how much you want to help your son.

Truefriend asked a good question, and I have a few more. How long has he been despondent? Is he having thoughts about hurting himself?

He certainly sounds depressed, and it sounds like the counseling and antidepressant are not working. He should get better results than this. It can take a lot of tries to hit on the right medication regime for depression, and it can also take some false starts to get into the right approach to counseling. Certainly his symptoms would warrant some visits to a psychiatrist. He should look for someone who is expert in treating depression, anxiety, and ADHD. Do you see symptoms of BPD in him? Here are some links to review:

What Is Borderline Personality Disorder?

Borderline Personality Disorder - A Clinical Perspective

Borderline Personality Disorder - A Layman's Review

Workshop - BPD: What is it? How can I tell?

Teresa, please keep looking out for your son, but also look out for yourself.  x

B&W

Thanks for responding. He says things like " I don't care about anything", " I don't know why I bother", etc. but I don't think he would hurt himself. He has been despondent for about nine months but has been heading in that direction for years. His counselor told him he has a personality disorder but I have seen no results from the counseling sessions. This is something he was born with and as he grows older the symptoms change with him. He has very strange ideas about religion, body hair, he thinks general comments that people make that may be negative are automatically directed towards him, makes snap decisions and wants them met immediately, can't take a joke without getting angry, and cries at the drop of a hat. He has insurance through the state  that doesn't cover psychiatrist visits, just centers with counselors and nurse practitioners. He is going to be starting with a new counselor soon so I am keeping my fingers crossed.

[Teresa]

Hi Teresa

Welcome to the board! I am very sorry to hear about your son. Things sound very difficult for him and for you as well. From what you have told us, you are in the right place for advice and support and being here will help you immensely!  x

Please do read as much as you can and check out the great links that Blackandwhite has given you.

I look forward to seeing you on the board.   



Best wishes

Patty

Thank you for your support. It is great to have someone to talk to. I will definately read all the links that were sent.

[JoannaK]

Hi Teresa... .  How are you and your so doing?

Does your son think that he can get better?  He sounds terribly depressed which is a part of so, so many personality disorders and other mental health conditions.  If he has BPD,one of the biggest problems is that he has to want to recover for most of the treatments to really be effective. 

Did he finish high school?  Did he go to... or attempt to go to... .college?  It sounds as if he needs a solid evaluation with a psychiatrist or a psychologist to start even if he would have to work with people covered by insurance for the rest of it.  Is he on disability (I don't know if you are in the U.S. or not.)? 

[truefriend]

He's lost 230 lbs? That is a lot to be proud of. I would say probably this is one issue that sort of snowballed the rest or added to it. With that accomplished, I would encourage him to get in some sort of physical activity or release. Start working out. Look how he could help others like himself that feel so hopeless being overweight. I'm friends with a guy that is a personal trainer now, excellent body. But at one time he was grossly overweight. He tries to help others now and has a wonderful outlook on life. I hope some counseling will help him... .he has so much life ahead of him. I'd hate to see it wasted. 

[Teresa]

Hi Teresa... . How are you and your so doing?

Does your son think that he can get better?  He sounds terribly depressed which is a part of so, so many personality disorders and other mental health conditions.  If he has BPD,one of the biggest problems is that he has to want to recover for most of the treatments to really be effective.  

Did he finish high school?  :)id he go to... or attempt to go to... .college?  It sounds as if he needs a solid evaluation with a psychiatrist or a psychologist to start even if he would have to work with people covered by insurance for the rest of it.  Is he on disability (I don't know if you are in the U.S. or not.)?  

Hi,

We had a pretty good day yesterday. My sister is here visiting and we went to her hotel and swam in the pool. He gets along very well with younger children and you would have never known he has a problem. It usually works that way with occasional days when he is suddenly better but it doesn't last long. I think he believes he will be the same way forever and never feel good again because he has felt bad for so long. He definately wants to get better and is willing to do whatever I suggest to get there. I think our problem is we haven't found the right person to help him yet. We have thought about disability but have not applied yet.

[OnceConfused]

First of all, your son has to know that he needs help.

Here are some suggestions for him to do, in addition to counseling and/or medications:

1. Start to write a GRATITUDE JOURNAL. Every night before going to bed, he will go back through his day from morning until night, and find 3 things that he should be thankful for. This will help him see his life from a glass half full. Can we find 3 things that we are thankful for? For example, be thankful for being alive and not dead. THink of those soldiers in Iraq who have died.  Be thankful for having a place to sleep. Be thankful for not being bed ridden. ... .

2. Find some small successes. Set a goal to walk 20 minutes before dinner (1 miles), 5 days a week.

3. Affirm yourself everyday. Say out loud every morning: I am ok, I am healthy, I am calm and I am peaceful.

4. So when he feels angry, and before saying something nasty. Repeat those phrases.

Change has to start from within us if the change is to be effective.  The moment we put the blame on ourselves that is the moment we move toward a transformation. Blaming others never changes who we are.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders