So much sadness

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

My BPD husband filed for divorce on Friday. I am devastated. We were married for 10 years and have two children. I am sitting here in bed hysterically crying at 4:45 in the morning with so much sadness and have no idea where to go or who to turn to. He was always upset with me for some reason or another but we always figured it out. I felt like we did such a good job really working on the marriage. Apparently it wasn't enough. I am sure he has a girlfriend that he must really like which is why this happening now. I feel like there's no way for me to bounce back from this after being with him and truly in love with him for the past 15 years. I could use some support right now.

[AliB]

My BPD husband filed for divorce on Friday. I am devastated. We were married for 10 years and have two children. I am sitting here in bed hysterically crying at 4:45 in the morning with so much sadness and have no idea where to go or who to turn to. He was always upset with me for some reason or another but we always figured it out. I felt like we did such a good job really working on the marriage. Apparently it wasn't enough. I am sure he has a girlfriend that he must really like which is why this happening now. I feel like there's no way for me to bounce back from this after being with him and truly in love with him for the past 15 years. I could use some support right now.

[UnforgivenII]

Praying for you. Focus on your children. They need you and you need you.
It was not you.
There is a lot of sadness. Yes.
But you will overcome it. Step by step

[JerryRG]

   

[heartandwhole]

Hi AliB,



I'm sorry to hear about your pending divorce. It is so painful to lose someone we love, and 10 years is a long time. I felt devastated as well after my breakup with someone with BPD, and our relationship only lasted a relatively short time and we weren't even a couple. So, I can well imagine how difficult this is for you.  

Thankfully, you've found a great place for support. This site helped me tremendously, and I know it has helped so many people. You are definitely not alone—many of us here have been where you are, and we understand. The other good news is that things really DO get better. There is hope for brighter days ahead, AliB. It has happened for me, and it can be your experience, too.

Has your husband been diagnosed with BPD or traits, AliB?

When you can, tell us more about what has brought your relationship to this point. There are so many tools and resources to explore here; knowing a bit more about your situation will help us steer you to the resources that will help you the most.

Keep writing, it really helps. We're here for you.

heartandwhole 

[WendyDavid]

Hi AliB

I'm sure there is more to your story.  I feel bad for your pain and I know what it is like.  I've cried everyday since events lead me to realize that my husband was not the great guy I thought I married.  We have been together for almost 19 years and I thought our marriage had improved over time too. 

Did you always know your husband had BPD or is this a recent discovery?  I thought my husband left me for someone else, too.  Then I discovered what was really going on in his head and why he was acting that way.  His diagnosis changed my whole point of view.  I feel like the last 18-19 years of my life are being re-written.

Your children will go through some of the same feelings and some feelings that are unique because this is their dad.  What family support do you have?  Are you seeking therapy for yourself and kids?

I can't tell you when the crying stops, because I haven't gotten there yet.  But I can tell you that being able to talk to people that can see his behavior as illness and confirm that you did not deserve this helps you keep going on.

[AliB]

Thank you for your kind responses. Well it's Thursday and I've survived almost a whole week. I have realized how many great people are in my life to help and support me. My ex got very angry at me yesterday because I am proceeding with plans for this weekend that we had made together. I am going to try my hardest to do something fun with the kids this weekend. If he wants to show up great, if he doesn't that's fine. He says that I made the plans last minute and am trying to make him look like a bad dad. Um no, you knew about it for three weeks and you are still invited. That's your choice to not show up, not my issue. It was your choice to leave this family and only think about yourself, it was your choice to parent separately not mine. Quit pulling me into your crazy, you can't control me anymore.