Thanks so much for your reply... .I'm dealing with some equally upsetting family issues now with my disordered father ... and going thru this breakup has me on the edge... .today I woke up thinking breaking the PO wouldn't be so bad... .I mean he wanted less time anyway.
That's the very odd thing about this all... .he wanted it dropped after I filed mine.
Yes four years of him making normal conversations ... .even when we were seeing each other he came to me about a month into it and told me what he had going on and how he has realized he needs professional help. He was stunned I was not angry at him as he expected me to yell n kick him out as he knew I had tons I was dealing with in my own life . He also wondered why I wasn't mad that he hid this from me and basically lied to me about who he was. He often would say that telling me that he was loosing his schit mentally was tough for him to admit.
One day while working he showed up at my door crying... .that was before all the breakups happened
Each break up was triggered by me first saying I was leaving him.
Except in the very beginning, when he won me back twice and convinced me that I needed his support with all I'm dealing with in my life.
I wish I knew why the dynamics changed ... I'm just not really sure other than possibly maybe he is very ill again like he says
I sent his mom a nice msg on Facebook during the breakup ... very nice despite the hurt I was in letting her know he is slipping, wants to kill himself etc... .she replied and then I replied back some of what he was saying, how he feels he's like his father in all this with me and fears that.
She replied he's nothing like his father as he is honest. And for me to stop texting.
I knew then I lost here, and I guess she is blind to his illness... .I just don't get it... .either he's making it all up how the father abused and molested him... or she just never sees this side of her son.
In court she smiled at us a few times, however st the last court date she did not... .his cop smile member was there... .I believe it became his fear of me vs him getting those guns back... .why else want a PO dropped?
And he also knew the posibility of me still moving and living in this neighborhood... .I mean I like it hear and he is well aware, yet refused to change his route?
My family just does not understand all I'm going thru with this... .this is far from a normal breakup.
The thing he would say is that when in uniform being in it makes him act differently but lately even the uniform doesn't help .
I suspect he's taking lexapro which makes him have no feelings... .otherwise how he can stand at the end of my driveway baffles me.
All of this is baffling ... .it's like why is the postal service not ordering a psych evaluation, even he himself said he was shocked they didn't after he supposedly told his bosses he was going through personal issues, now he has a PO on him and still allowed to work.
I always felt I was the only one trying to get him help and in the end that last text was what got him to get the PO
So yes today I feel like just going out there and breaking the PO
Why should I be trapped inside as he can move so freely... .
I hated him for a few weeks, I no longer do now... .I just wish he knew all I really am dealing with... .he only knew a fraction of it... . he acted so helpful ... I just wish he could have stayed and helped me thru this... .a PO was not needed. I just don't get it
This is a very interesting relationship. He can work, so he is not fully reclusive and psychotic. Yet, he is able to disassociate from reality and split into a He, who can also be a She, and back into a bad He. Plus, he hears voices, has no friends or social life, gets a PO on you, and just wants to stay in his room for years alone online. This is why he can still deliver mail to your house without hesitancy. You are now in a safe zone away from him, which is where he always wanted you to be. In reality, he is paranoid, with psychotic tendencies, suffers with role confusion, self-hate, depression, has guns, and a whole Ragu garden variety style sauce of avoidant, disassociative, schizoid, paranoid, etc. personality disorders. Still yet, after all this, he can act normal for four years in the beginning of your relationship. This is the royal flush of all mind-f*** games ever played imo. Sounds like Anthony Perkins in Psycho. Where are his parents? Yours is one of the most interesting relationships I have read here. You will heal from this trauma bond with time if you move, build better relationships, and don't break NC. Breaking NC will catapult you back to the beginning of the pain
