You've got tough choices. Funny how the being painted white isn't any more 'real' than being painted black, and while it is a lot easier... .it still doesn't feel 'right'.
Should I suggest couples therapy?
Dunno. It has a fairly poor track record with pwBPD. It may help, but isn't a magic bullet.
Should we first try and just be friends?
You can, but expect all the push-pull and other dynamics of your old r/s to show up from her. Kinda like before, without the sex.
You will probably find that the strong boundaries you need to be in a romantic r/s with her will be needed for a friendship too.
Should we do individual therapy and just start dating again?
Individual T could probably help you both. Go lightly with pushing it on her.
I want her (and myself) to know that I won’t tolerate being treated like that ever again. How do I do that?
Focus on your side of it. On learning about your values, and deciding that you are worth protecting from behavior like that. And on your role in accepting that behavior from her.