BPD Apathy Post Breakup

[JerichoJax]

My ex-husband who is quiet bpd ended the relationship in January.  He left breadcrumbs of a possible possible reunion.  He went from wanting to be friends which might lead to a reunion, he couldn't be friends because he had to focus on himself (he was prioritizing other people), to apathy.  Granted I was dealing with my own set of issues as I had developed PTSD from the relationship which I have been treated for now.

What does this apathy typically mean?  Has he moved on and so a re-union won't happen?  Am I still split black so he maybe trying to return at a later time?

Yes I know I have to heal and focus on myself.  Just trying to figure out what to expect from him.

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[ColdKnight]

What exactly do you mean by apathy?
Is he not responding? Taking a long time to respond? Responds but will never reach out first?

[JerichoJax]

He is different in the sense of push/pull am definitely pushed very far away right now.  

He was responding if I contacted him though it would take a while.  He told me I needed to realize he was to busy with work however in the same conversation would talk about all the things he was doing with friends and family.  Friday was volleyball with high school friends, Saturday afternoon was time with family, Saturday evening was going out partying with his recycled wingman, etc.

After the jealous monster came out for the third time when he saw me out on a date had to tell him the friendly stuff wasn't working as it was just making things toxic between us.  I told him that he needed to decide what he wanted and that until then we needed to keep our distance.

He is tall and thin and has problems finding clothes that he likes.  I saw a shirt I knew he would like so I bought it and sent it to him.  It was sorta a birthday present to since his birthday was recent.  I didn't even get an acknowledgement.

I am not the only one he is doing this with.  His Aunt by Marriage dared to talk to me so both he and his sister have pushed her away.  He is telling his another blood Aunt apparently that he doesn't understand why she won't call him.  I figure this is him expecting an apology and that his aunt by marriage is the one that has to make the call.  He doesn't see anything wrong as he always sets up battle lines with people and you are either with him or against him.  If you are on his side of the line then he expects what he calls loyalty and no contact with the other side.  I figure this is because he is trying to maintain that mask and has to control the story.

Back in 2012 we had a similar split however there weren't any leaks in the damn he created.  There was a lot of toxicity between us, he got vindictive and we were constantly arguing.  This time it has been different he had our share of arguments early on however it has stopped.  He has told me he doesn't want to argue with me however I wouldn't call it arguing instead what I would say is I haven't backed down when he was trying to feed me a story and put all the blame for the relationship ending on me.  So that is another way the apathy is showing to me he doesn't even seem to care.

In our last conversation he tried to pretend I was creating the drama even though each time was his jealous monster.  He said he couldn't focus on work and deal with his ex he still deeply cared about.  He said that once he achieved success then I would see and we could be friends.  Our dogs he has told me are still his girls.  I told him it is a responsibility and that I might put them up for adoption which he had an issue with.  He has indirectly told me to move on while at the same time acting like his little family should stay frozen in time while he waits for whatever he really isn't talking about to happen.

Net right now there is nothing but silence.

[ColdKnight]

I hear you. It seems there really is no right answer. They want you when they want and don’t when they don’t. Everytime I try to make plans with my gf she always says she needs to check her schedule. We got back together at the end of April and she has been to my house twice and we’ve see each other at work a few times and that’s it.

Even when she suggests plans and I follow up she gets flakey.
I was always a believer in if someone wants to see you they will make room in their schedule but there are so many “coaches” out there on the internet both for men and women that say the same thing “hold back, never chase, don’t be too available, only text to set up a date, don’t call back right away”

If both sides are reading out of the same playbook how is anyone supposed to form a relationship. Add BPD into that mix
and you have a recipe for ultimate aloneness.

I really don’t know anymore.