The long goodbye

[Depression = 72% of members]

Just starting a thread to help myself process eventually moving out of my mom's house.  I've moved 2x's in the past, but never been able to create emotional distance from her.  I currently live with her, my husband, and my 2 kids in a decent house. 

Financially, it is a sweet sweet deal.  I pay about 1500.  Where I live, a crappy 1 bedroom is about 1750.  We have 3 bedrooms and 1 bathroom to ourselves on the 2nd floor.  My mother dwells on the main floor.  We do everything upstairs except eat in order to avoid her.  When my husband is home, it's really easy to avoid her.  He replaced my father as my buffer.  The problem is that he is in construction and often out of town doing work for government contracts.  That means- I rely on her a lot.  Which means, her help comes at a VERY high cost.

She is verbally caustic and critical.  She spews venom dressed as advice.  She blames my husband or me for everything my 4 and 3 year old do.  She believes my husband is cheating because he has to work.  She goes into my room and picks up my laundry and washes it (an ongoing problem for me and her), and then complains that she had to do "all my laundry".  Any boundary I put, is violated.  She comments on my lingerie... .yep.  She knows I shop at Victoria Secret.  If we are watching a show, and a commercial of theirs comes on, "This is pornography.  I can't believe people shop there.  They must be sleeping around, disgusting".  She comments on how I wear my clothes. 

She's an absolute jerk to my son.  She blames him for everything that's not clean in the house.  She shames him.  I intervene constantly when she says anything to him.  She's punitive and petty. 

Her negativity is so toxic.  Sometimes I get a stomach ache from hearing her talk so badly about people.  Sometimes, I wonder what the heck she is saying about me to people.  It can't be good. 

As an elderly woman, she has calmed down A LOT, but she is still extremely difficult to live with.  I minimize how bad it is to everyone.  When I start to re-realize how bad it actually is, I get overwhelmed, get panic attacks, etc.

I want to leave her home, but I have self-sabotaged on many occasions.  I'd like to leave in a year or 2 years, but I continue to not make steps towards moving.  I'm hopeful that I can use this thread as a journal that can help others get through something like I'm going through.

The things I need to do to be making progress on leaving:
1. Pay off credit card debt
2. Pay off 1 car loan
3. Put my daughter in pre-school
4. tell my family the date I will be leaving the home
5. stick to the date
6. No major purchases (i.e. cars)
7. Save a down payment for a home

In this thread, I plan on posting my successes, my failures, and my perception of my struggles that are keeping me in bondage.  These are the fears currently:
1. My mom will die
2. My mom will make my life a living hell
 a. By talking poorly of me
 b. by calling me names and insulting me
 c. by taking it out on my children
3. I will be guilted by my entire family (save 1 brother)
4. I'm afraid I can't do it on my own
5. I believe her when she says that I can't do it on my own and that I will depend on her
6. I will feel guilt when she dies that I made her miserable

[Mooberry]

Just starting a thread to help myself process eventually moving out of my mom's house.  I've moved 2x's in the past, but never been able to create emotional distance from her.  I currently live with her, my husband, and my 2 kids in a decent house. 

Financially, it is a sweet sweet deal.  I pay about 1500.  Where I live, a crappy 1 bedroom is about 1750.  We have 3 bedrooms and 1 bathroom to ourselves on the 2nd floor.  My mother dwells on the main floor.  We do everything upstairs except eat in order to avoid her.  When my husband is home, it's really easy to avoid her.  He replaced my father as my buffer.  The problem is that he is in construction and often out of town doing work for government contracts.  That means- I rely on her a lot.  Which means, her help comes at a VERY high cost.

She is verbally caustic and critical.  She spews venom dressed as advice.  She blames my husband or me for everything my 4 and 3 year old do.  She believes my husband is cheating because he has to work.  She goes into my room and picks up my laundry and washes it (an ongoing problem for me and her), and then complains that she had to do "all my laundry".  Any boundary I put, is violated.  She comments on my lingerie... .yep.  She knows I shop at Victoria Secret.  If we are watching a show, and a commercial of theirs comes on, "This is pornography.  I can't believe people shop there.  They must be sleeping around, disgusting".  She comments on how I wear my clothes. 

She's an absolute jerk to my son.  She blames him for everything that's not clean in the house.  She shames him.  I intervene constantly when she says anything to him.  She's punitive and petty. 

Her negativity is so toxic.  Sometimes I get a stomach ache from hearing her talk so badly about people.  Sometimes, I wonder what the heck she is saying about me to people.  It can't be good. 

As an elderly woman, she has calmed down A LOT, but she is still extremely difficult to live with.  I minimize how bad it is to everyone.  When I start to re-realize how bad it actually is, I get overwhelmed, get panic attacks, etc.

I want to leave her home, but I have self-sabotaged on many occasions.  I'd like to leave in a year or 2 years, but I continue to not make steps towards moving.  I'm hopeful that I can use this thread as a journal that can help others get through something like I'm going through.

The things I need to do to be making progress on leaving:
1. Pay off credit card debt
2. Pay off 1 car loan
3. Put my daughter in pre-school
4. tell my family the date I will be leaving the home
5. stick to the date
6. No major purchases (i.e. cars)
7. Save a down payment for a home

In this thread, I plan on posting my successes, my failures, and my perception of my struggles that are keeping me in bondage.  These are the fears currently:
1. My mom will die
2. My mom will make my life a living hell
 a. By talking poorly of me
 b. by calling me names and insulting me
 c. by taking it out on my children
3. I will be guilted by my entire family (save 1 brother)
4. I'm afraid I can't do it on my own
5. I believe her when she says that I can't do it on my own and that I will depend on her
6. I will feel guilt when she dies that I made her miserable

[Woolspinner2000]

Tell me about why you live in the house with your mom. No condemnation here at all, and remember there's no need to JADE (justify, defend, argue, explain). I think it can help all of us to understand and perhaps also help you to clarify what is important to you and why it's important.

Let me start with a couple possible ideas for questions, but feel free to come up with something else. Do you stay because of financial reasons? Emotional reasons? Have you always lived with your mom?

Wools

[Turkish]

How have you self sabotaged,  and how is your husband involved in this if at all?

Regarding the Financials, have you checked out Dave Ramsey? Lots of success stories from those who follow his plan,  remarkable stories, really. As for a home, it's the top of the market.  I wouldn't buy any time soon,  but save up for the dip.

Why do you put fear that your mother will die at the top of the list? This sounds like your number one fear. 

From what you describe,  it sounds like your mother is treating you like a child,  and that must be frustrating beyond belief.

[blue-eyed bonnie]

Dear Mooberry:

I just want to empathize and tell you that I understand the horrible situation you are in.  My 84 year old uBPD mother moved in with my husband and I two years ago when she totaled her car and can no longer drive.  Injuries she suffered will keep her from ever living on her own again.

If you can get out... .please do so.  I have made great success reading books such as "Surviving a borderline parent" and working with a therapist (which I know costs money and may not be an option).  Your mother will never be anything but toxic and make you feel like a failure.  It is part of her BPD disease and she cannot change.  This was the first thing that I just had to learn to accept.

Boundaries will help.  And oh how I know how hard they are to set when she is right in your face all the time.  But set them in baby steps.  I spend 1 hour per evening after dinner watching television with my mother (and I would do it downstairs on her tv).  Then I turn off tv and tell her I am going to bed.  I go to my own bedroom, shut the door and I am done with her for the day.   It helps a lot.

Hang in there and posting on this site will help you make progress.  just knowing you are not alone in having to live in miserable situations like this because you are a GOOD person and don't want to abandon your mother. 

I hope you can find the courage to move our, because it is way easier to deal with a BPD parent when they are not in your face all the time.

[Mooberry]

Tell me about why you live in the house with your mom. No condemnation here at all, and remember there's no need to JADE (justify, defend, argue, explain). I think it can help all of us to understand and perhaps also help you to clarify what is important to you and why it's important.

Let me start with a couple possible ideas for questions, but feel free to come up with something else. Do you stay because of financial reasons? Emotional reasons? Have you always lived with your mom?

Wools

Woolspinner2000

I think I live in the house for a bunch of reasons, and I'm not sure if I can rank them or if they all work together to keep me there.

Financial reasons are huge.  We moved back in for finances 4 years ago while I was pregnant with my daughter (I got put out of work early, and was high risk).

Why I stay there I think is a whole different story.  There are some serious benefits to living there with her: a babysitter (even though she bitches and complains), she helps me do a lot of things like laundry (even though I hate it, it's actually extremely helpful), she cleans the house. 

Emotionally I am so afraid that if she is alone she will do something dumb, or will get so depressed that she stops taking care of herself.  She has never been a "I want to kill myself" person.  She is a "I want to die" kind of person... .and would choose a slow death like diabetes, or not taking care of herself so she gets a heart attack.  She has never lived alone.  She went from living with her mom to living with my dad at 18.  She's 70 now.  She has no idea how to manage herself.  Junk mail, and scam phone calls send her through a loop and she freaks out.

I am also the last child living with her at this point.  My brother who previously said he would take one for the team and live with her till she died- left.  He had to leave because it was ruining his marriage.  So, now I'm in the house, the youngest sibling.  I'm afraid of my whole family making me feel bad.  On 1 hand, they want me to leave and be successful, but they are all afraid of what me leaving means.  Does that mean that she has to move with them?  Does that mean we have to all pay more to keep her from losing her house?  Does that mean she is going to lose her house, and what would that be like for all of us?  There's a lot of pressure on me to maintain the status quo.

I have left 2 different times in the past.  The first was during college at 18.  It was the best thing I ever did for myself.  My dad was still living, and he asked me to come home after college because I wasn't making enough to cover my expenses (so I returned at 21).  It was the worst decision of my life to return.  I had a 10pm curfew at 21 years old.  I did anything to get out, I snuck out, I had a drinking problem (weekend drunk for sure).  I was so desperate to be out of the house.  I had a series of very bad relationships (if you can call them that?). 

I didn't leave again until I was 26 and had been married about 2 months.  As soon as I mentioned possibly moving, she kicked us out pretty much.  It was too fast, and financially we hadn't prepared.  Then I got pregnant with my daughter, high risk and my income took a dive.  It was the perfect storm of my mom no longer being able to pay for her home, and us being in a desperate financial situation.  At that time, my brother and his family was still living in the home- and I felt safe.  My brother makes me feel safe.  He would intervene when she got crazy- just like my dad would.  My brother moved out last August. 

I believe that as much as my mother is crazy, she would also never let something happen to me.  She is extremely loyal, and I know in her core she loves me and cares about me.  I was diagnosed with Lupus about 3.5 years ago, but I've had symptoms since I was a teenager (my sister also has Lupus, and my dad had autoimmune issues).  Although, I am very under control- there are times where I have a difficult time functioning.  my mom understands that usually, better than my husband.  I am afraid that if I leave home, and I get sick- I won't have the help.  There's a lot of death anxiety going on for me. 

It's like a war going on internally.  I love her and crave for the good times.  But I know they are short lived, and used against me... .always.  There has never been a time where having a good time was free.  I've always had to pay an extremely high price.

[Mooberry]

How have you self sabotaged,  and how is your husband involved in this if at all?

Regarding the Financials, have you checked out Dave Ramsey? Lots of success stories from those who follow his plan,  remarkable stories, really. As for a home, it's the top of the market.  I wouldn't buy any time soon,  but save up for the dip.

Why do you put fear that your mother will die at the top of the list? This sounds like your number one fear. 

From what you describe,  it sounds like your mother is treating you like a child,  and that must be frustrating beyond belief.

Turkish
I love Dave Ramsey, and we just started using envelopes!  YAY!  I think we will probably rent at first unless the market goes down over the next year or two... .which I'm hoping for!

I'm petrified of the guilt after she dies.  She has always said, "you'll regret it when I'm gone".  I am petrified that I will regret/feel guilty over ever boundary I have ever put up. 

[Mooberry]

Dear Mooberry:

I just want to empathize and tell you that I understand the horrible situation you are in.  My 84 year old uBPD mother moved in with my husband and I two years ago when she totaled her car and can no longer drive.  Injuries she suffered will keep her from ever living on her own again.

If you can get out... .please do so.  I have made great success reading books such as "Surviving a borderline parent" and working with a therapist (which I know costs money and may not be an option).  Your mother will never be anything but toxic and make you feel like a failure.  It is part of her BPD disease and she cannot change.  This was the first thing that I just had to learn to accept.

Boundaries will help.  And oh how I know how hard they are to set when she is right in your face all the time.  But set them in baby steps.  I spend 1 hour per evening after dinner watching television with my mother (and I would do it downstairs on her tv).  Then I turn off tv and tell her I am going to bed.  I go to my own bedroom, shut the door and I am done with her for the day.   It helps a lot.

Hang in there and posting on this site will help you make progress.  just knowing you are not alone in having to live in miserable situations like this because you are a GOOD person and don't want to abandon your mother. 

I hope you can find the courage to move our, because it is way easier to deal with a BPD parent when they are not in your face all the time.

I like your approach!  Thank you so much for your support.  I need to hear you say things like this because if I don't leave, I will never leave!

[Mooberry]

Sometimes I feel like I'm the one w/ BPD.  I see my mom interact with my kids (on good days), and it hurts to know that at some point they will have to say goodbye to living with her.

They love her.  I have always taught them, "grandma's crazy"... .good or bad... .something in me wants to protect them, and at some level knowing she's crazy will help them know her behavior is not normal.  Idk if that's a great approach, but it's mine for now.  My mom doesn't rage at the grandkids usually.  She says inappropriate things, but isn't raging.

I excuse her bx a lot.  I'm embarrassed by her a lot.  At restaurants when she starts to complain, I always have to interrupt her.  Sh3 gets nasty at people, but thinks she's being nice. 

We're going on a trip this weekend, and she's taking it surprisingly well.  It makes me feel crazy.  Like, am I imagining a problem that doesn't exist? I'm sitting waiting for the other shoe to drop.  She still has 2 days to flip out.  She did increase her presence in my private space, but nothing crazy yet.   

Right now her disdain and anger is towards my oldest niece (in her 20s) and her fiancé and my oldest brother (her father).  I may be in the clear for a while.

When I'm not the identified target, times are good.

[Harri]

Of course your kids love her.  Kids are nothing but little buckets of love, unconditional love at that.  I'm not saying they shouldn't love her or that she is not lovable (at least some times) but the fact that they love her should not keep you from making certain changes that need to be made.

My mom doesn't rage at the grandkids usually.  She says inappropriate things, but isn't raging.

Raging is not necessarily the worst behavior a child can be exposed to.  The inappropriate comments can be damaging as can the emotional blackmail that is all too prevalent in parents/grandparents with BPD or BPD traits.  How do you protect a kid from the mind games and emotional abuse?  The tension and hostility that can be felt?  Kids can sense all of that and there really is no way to shield them from all of it.

[Mooberry]

Of course your kids love her.  Kids are nothing but little buckets of love, unconditional love at that.  I'm not saying they shouldn't love her or that she is not lovable (at least some times) but the fact that they love her should not keep you from making certain changes that need to be made.
Raging is not necessarily the worst behavior a child can be exposed to.  The inappropriate comments can be damaging as can the emotional blackmail that is all too prevalent in parents/grandparents with BPD or BPD traits.  How do you protect a kid from the mind games and emotional abuse?  The tension and hostility that can be felt?  Kids can sense all of that and there really is no way to shield them from all of it.

I can't.  All I can do is get mad that it happened, and tell them that grandma was wrong.  I asked my daughter who was in a sensitive mood to go get me her shoes.  So she brought them, and was pouting.  My mom found this horrid that she'd be crying about getting her shoes.  So she sweetly called my daughter over to her, and then took her socks and threw them across the room, "that's what you get".  I flipped out, got up and gave my daughter a huge hug and told her that it wasn't ok what grandma did (she's only 3).

It's really hard to function if I realize how  horrid it really is.  You know?  How do I realize how bad it is while trying to get out?  I might have an break down.  I do medium chill with my mom usually... except when it comes to the kids.  I flip out. 

[Mooberry]

So- some progress!

My husband and I decided to start using Dave Ramsey's system of saving.  We start today with our new envelopes, and if all goes as planned- we can pay off our debt in 3 years, and save for a down payment another 3 years!  So, I am looking at about a 6 year plan to get out... .that will make me 36... .and I'll be 1 accomplished 36 year old!  In CA, prices of homes are SOO ridiculous- so it really will take us that long to save for a down payment (middle class homes are like 650,000- and that's straight middle class)... .also gives time for the market to go down!  I feel really happy, and hopeful. 

I'm putting my daughter in pre-school as well, starting to detach from my mom altogether.  I have 6 years to prep her for us leaving.  If she passes prior to the 6 years, then we may move sooner.  Is that horrible that I think of her death as a relief?  I mean, I dread her dying.  I love her, but holy crap- all of the stress that I won't have to deal with!  Freedom.

[Harri]

Excellent!  I am glad you made a plan and are working towards a goal. 

I'm putting my daughter in pre-school as well, starting to detach from my mom altogether.

This is also good news and a very wise move. 

Is that horrible that I think of her death as a relief?

I don't think so.  I felt a huge sense of relief after my mother died and again after my dad died.  It didn't mean I was happy, I wasn't.  I was sad but relieved that the stress would no longer be there and that no new hurts could ever happen.  I didn't do a happy dance though I know some who did.  Whatever is good for you (within reason and as long as it is legal!  )

Good job Mooberry!

[Turkish]

Middle class homes in the bay area are close to $1M 

I'd save enough cash not to do any FHA loan (low down) and watch for the market downturn.  Your timing may be right.  Likely a 30 fixed in Cali.  One of the things I disagree with Dave on (that and Roth).  It's entertaining to read his Facebook feed and the people who think something's wrong with you if you don't follow Dave's plan 110%. Overall though it's a good plan. 

[Mooberry]

Middle class homes in the bay area are close to $1M 

I'd save enough cash not to do any FHA loan (low down) and watch for the market downturn.  Your timing may be right.  Likely a 30 fixed in Cali.  One of the things I disagree with Dave on (that and Roth).  It's entertaining to read his Facebook feed and the people who think something's wrong with you if you don't follow Dave's plan 110%. Overall though it's a good plan. 

Yea, I told my husband--- we can try for the 15, but I have no problem with a 30 year fixed because... .homes are out of this world crazy.  I want to be ready when the bubble bursts, and I think it's getting there... .interest rates are starting to go up which is a sign of it.  We'll be ready!  I feel a huge amount of freedom with this plan in place.  Like she's lost some of the control she had over me.  It's also a new reason to not do things with her/invite her/spend on her... .like-- oops, sorry, that envelope is empty!  ahaha

[Mooberry]

Excellent!  I am glad you made a plan and are working towards a goal. 
 This is also good news and a very wise move. 
I don't think so.  I felt a huge sense of relief after my mother died and again after my dad died.  It didn't mean I was happy, I wasn't.  I was sad but relieved that the stress would no longer be there and that no new hurts could ever happen.  I didn't do a happy dance though I know some who did.  Whatever is good for you (within reason and as long as it is legal!  )

Good job Mooberry!

thank you so much for normalizing that.  I mean, I've heard my T tell me it's normal... .but the guilt of even thinking it can be crazy.  Yesterday she told my brothers dog, "You're going to die soon,  Me too".  Inside my head, I thought... ."Not soon enough"... .  I love her when she's in a normal state- not overly happy/positive/fake/trying to be what she's not, and not when she hates me (obviously).  It seems like she was doing ok for a while, then after we went on vacation- all of her issues came into play again.

[Mooberry]

I'm dealing with a lot of impatience.  It's like I plan on leaving, and start the necessary steps and then get really impatient... .and I can feel the sabotage coming.

Last night, I had to tell my husband no for something he wanted to buy.  I told him what was in the available money budgets, and I said if you can make it work with THAT money in that envelope- then fine.  If not, no.  I felt freed.  Like, we are doing this as a team.

Today i find myself browsing amazon, thinking (literally finding) ways to spend money.  I have not spent any, and popped on here with the feeling that it had something to do with leaving.

I had a conversation with a friend yesterday where I shared about when I really look at what is happening, it is overwhelming.  The only way I can function is by telling myself that she's crazy, and that she lived a terrible life.  When I start not doing that, and I look at the daily affect on my life- I become immobilized.  Panic... .and I think even sabotage- like, I've been living like this for so long, I don't know how to function outside of the craziness. 

What will life be like when I am able to do things and not tell her where I'll be?  What will it be like when I can make decisions about food my children do and do not eat?  What will it be like to go 1 day with out being criticized?  It's scary.  I think it's also deeply related to my fear of success... .most are afraid of failure, but for me- I am deathly afraid of breaking the glass ceiling.  I have a lot of talent in my field, but have limited myself in the past (that is starting to change).

Also, at my job-I did advance, and I am praised so much for the work I do.  Sometimes, I get confused.  Am I good or am I bad?  Am I just putting on a good show for everyone at work?  You know, shame is really hard to get over because I feel like I didn't choose shame.  I feel like it was wrongly forced on me. 

There is this little light in the core of who I am, the truth of who I am.  Sometimes, I can feel it trying to melt through all the layers of crud that have accumulated on the outside of it. When who I am shows through (like at work, or with my husband)- it's beautiful.  When more crud gets placed on it, it's harder for the light to break through.

You know... .my mom thinks that I owe her financially because I am successful... .like somehow my financial success is hers because she raised me- therefore some of it (all of it) should be hers.  I think it's another belief or guilt that prevents me from financially freeing myself from the situation.  The thought is, "Even if I can make enough money to get out, I'll be forced to be financially responsible in some way for her"... .which triggers the F*&k it mentality, giving up, and sabotaging myself.  Do I see myself as an extension of her?  Why do I not give myself enough credit for my success?  The only reason I am successful is because I had an older sister who acted in place as a mother, and a brother who would literally die for me.  If not for them, I'd be an addict or an alcoholic (because I've teetered on being an alcoholic in the past).

When you really start making changes, it is so wild to see how many thoughts, beliefs and behaviors are connected to it.  I'm in a war with myself.  6 years to buy a house is a long time.  I think I need to modify my plan... .like renting after my debt is paid until we can afford a down payment.  That means in 2 years we could be gone... .that gives me a lot more hope... .or do I just make the decision to take on an FHA loan in 2 or 3 years instead of waiting for the giant down payment?  What is my emotional health worth?

[Mooberry]

Fear 1: My mom will die.

My mother will not die.  If she does die, it will be because death is natural.  She may die if she chooses to not care for her health.  She may die if she chooses to end her life.  None of that is my responsibility.  She will feel sad and lonely.  That is her feeling, and her choice to feel that way.  She will blame me for leaving.  That is her choice, and I will accept responsibility for leaving her, and I will also accept that it is completely expected and normal.

 

[Harri]

Again, I have to say there is a lot of very good stuff here.  You are doing a great job of staying focused and separating her stuff and your stuff to own.

 

[Mooberry]

More progress towards leaving... .

I started a blog about 2 weeks ago doing something that I really enjoy.  I decided I want to monetize it, and make some extra income.  I've reached out to a few social media experts to see what they can do to help drive traffic to my site, and hopefully get this thing making some cash money!  Happiness!

My other side hustle is finally getting out of debt- another huge win for me meaning I can actually hire someone to do my billing and even answer my phone and make appointments for my practice!  This is all super positive.

I realized also that I need to get on some anti-depressants and I set up an appointment for myself for July 30th (soonest they day).  I do therapy, but I've been tracking myself... .and I am definitely having clear depressive cycles.  I had a depressive episode lift last week- and it was just very very clear that I've been dealing with it for a long time.  It's time to start feeling better.  Every time I start a depressive episode- bam, I let everything go- which is how my side hustle got into such a bad place... .I just gave up.  

Taking care of ME is the most important right now!

My mom is realizing that we will be leaving in a year or so- and so that's causing some grief, but like I said--- it's about ME now.

[Harri]

what a great update Mooberry!  I have been wondering how things are going and it sounds like you are really taking charge and making huge strides in terms of being able to move.  I wish you luck with your blog as well.  that is wonderful.

I hope the medication helps.  I am on two, one for depression/anxiety and one for anxiety.  It makes a difference. 

[Mooberry]

what a great update Mooberry!  I have been wondering how things are going and it sounds like you are really taking charge and making huge strides in terms of being able to move.  I wish you luck with your blog as well.  that is wonderful.

I hope the medication helps.  I am on two, one for depression/anxiety and one for anxiety.  It makes a difference. 

I'll probably need 1 for the regulation of my feelings, and 1 for the depression.  I'm feeling good right now, but need to remind myself that the good is short term, and I need long term help to keep me regulated!  Blogging has also given me a great outlet... .new recipes... .realizing my own talents and treasures.

[Mooberry]

The date has been set.

We will start our search in March to be gone by May.  It'll give my mom enough time to get a real estate agent, and prepare for the sale of her home.

She's upset.

Very very very upset.  But what can I do?  If I stay, our relationship will be gone forever.  Leaving might save some part of it.  It's normal to leave when you have a family, right?  I have to keep the mantra going. Fight the guilt.

[Panda39]

Taking care of ME is the most important right now!

My mom is realizing that we will be leaving in a year or so- and so that's causing some grief, but like I said--- it's about ME now.

It's normal to leave when you have a family, right?  I have to keep the mantra going. Fight the guilt.

Hi Mooberry,

I just wanted to stop in and cheer you on!  I'm hearing a lot of empowerment  

L2T has another thread going on Quotes related to self-esteem so I've been on kind of a quote kick.  Saw this and thought it fit your situation. Keep doing what you're doing!

She changed her can't into cans and her dreams into plans.

Panda39

[Learning2Thrive]

   Mooberry  

Joining Panda39 in cheering you on. This is such a fabulous quote Panda shared with you.  

She changed her can't into cans and her dreams into plans.

And, YES! It’s perfectly normal to leave mum’s home and have your own life and family and experiences without her constant drama and interference.

You are absolutely right. Your life is about you taking care of you.  

L2T

[Harri]

Wonderful news Mooberry!

Keep us posted